Dear friend,

 

- 2 Timothy 1:7 -

 

I remember the first time I felt shame. I was in my kindergarten classroom at our local Christian school, the quietest of my peers, painfully shy. We were playing animals, but I couldn't keep up. The others were better and faster than me; the game changed too fast; the rules adapted to the loudest opinions. I sat on a bean bag in the corner as the girls continued to play, fulfilling what I didn't want to be true: I wasn't quick enough to be accepted. I wanted to make people happy, to feel included, and I just wasn't enough to make it happen.

 

A year later my parents pulled me from school after I was told I needed to repeat kindergarten. There were several reasons for this, but one of them was an unintentional statement about my identity: “She's a follower.”

 

 

Being home educated from first grade to graduation gave me the freedom to develop into who I am today. But this email is not a treatise on home education and its benefits; it is a letter about confidence without arrogance; boldness without brutality; strength without pride. This is the hardest tension to hold as a Christian, I think. We're taught that humility is self-deprecation, a lie that ends in a pendulum swing to pride. We can't see that our quest to prove ourselves “enough” is keeping us from the confidence we crave.

 

I did not innately possess the confidence of the girls in my kindergarten class. These girls were gifted in ways I was not; extroverted in ways I would never be. An insecurity about belonging and a plaguing fear of inadequacy followed me into high school and college. I knew I could not compete with the personalities around me. I could not mimic their confidence, so I mocked it. I hedged myself in with pride and an isolated, ivory tower of intellect. I could not beat them at being “cool” and “accepted”, but I could be smart. And smart I would be.

 

This isolation from true community and vulnerability did three things:

We could say my lack of confidence was caused by spiritual trauma I endured as a child, or caused by peers leaving me out; or by any number of circumstantial things I experienced when young. But in the end, no matter what caused it, I had to deal with it. Jesus once asked a lame man, “Do you want to be healed?" (John 5) which seems like a ridiculous question - of course he did! But sometimes we say we want healing, but don't want the responsibility that comes with it. I wanted to be healed from people-pleasing but I didn't want to pick up my mat and walk away from my idols. And that is exactly what I had to do.

 

Confidence without arrogance is born from grace plus obedience. Grace tells us we are healed and free to go; obedience responds to this gift. And on the other side of obedience, grace reminds us that freedom is not by our own power, and we have no right to lord our improved self over those still trapped in idolatry.

 

Grace met me when I admitted that unhealthy relationship patterns were caused by my constant quest for human approval. And the answer wasn't finding a spouse who could act as an emotional crutch; it wasn't finding a “girl gang” of yes-men; it wasn't building a platform on social media (God knows this broke my people-pleasing soul!). God's grace was the STRENGTH to walk away, little by little, from my need for human approval. I was able to do this because in Christ, I have the approval of God.

 

I clung to this truth. I wrote it over and over again: I am approved. I am favored. I am loved. I am not a disappointment. As I spoke the truth of Scripture over my soul, prayed it, meditated on it, and aligned my behavior with it, my confidence grew. And my confidence in God's approval grew, so did my humility. There was no way I could work this confidence in myself! I could not change from a person destroyed by anxiety, constantly thinking about conversations and conflicts, to a person of peace apart from Jesus Christ. This grace makes confidence without arrogance possible.

 

To overcome the spirit of fear (idolatry of human approval), we need power, love, and self control. If you only have power, but no love or restraint, you will brutalize people for hating you. This is characterized by social media mavens who constantly center their “haters”; they are people-pleasers, offsetting their idolatry through power. If you only have love, but no strength or restraint, you will fawn over anyone who commends you but be crippled by negative feedback. And if you only have self control, but no love or power, you will hide from your calling, setting “boundaries” that are actually a cage. You won't speak up for others or yourself, you won't take the next step, and you won't obey what God has called you to do. 

 

We need all three to win against idolatry of approval: power, love, and self control. These three together give us a “threefold strand not quickly broken”; the ability to face conflict, serve people, and follow God with confidence… and without pride. 

 

I have not arrived in this area. I still struggle and daily submit my mind to the Lord for His truth about myself, my calling, and my decisions. Every thing I do, say, create, or write is up for public discussion and debate. Even who I am as a person is available to be misinterpreted and misunderstood. The only way to be confident, but not arrogant, is to be led by the opinion of the Lord rather than the opinions of women and men. When I find myself tempted to defend myself in anger, I know I am giving into that idolatry. When I find myself craving the fawning attention of a social media platform, I must pause and see myself rightly. If I find myself wanting to hide away from my call because it would be easier behind a wall, I must instead rise up in the power, love and self control only the Spirit can give.

 

We do not have to live as people-pleasers. We can live free! But the solution is not found in the perfect parenting model, perfect boundaries, or the next bestselling book. The solution is found in the Spirit of God and a heart submitted to His favor. Here we can be confident of His love for us and of the unchanging approval worthy of our obedience.

 

The beautiful end to the story that began in kindergarten? This shy, quiet, held-back girl, the one who was too much a “follower” to make it to first grade… gets to lead thousands of people to Jesus. His approval changes everything. 

 

-Acts 5:29

If you live in Michigan, we have a tier of local tickets left! 

 

Over the next few weeks we will be welcoming people who want to drive in from the Upper Peninsula and down state Michigan to join us for our evangelism and discipleship focus. This is a time to gather together as a community, in person, to worship and learn how to step into our calling as Christians who minister to others through our everyday lives.

 

If you are in the Upper Peninsula or Emmet, Charlevoix, Otsego, and Grand Traverse counties, you can use the code “localmi'” for 40% off your in-person ticket.

 

 

 

I will be doing the last two September trainings for Local hosts on Tuesday (tomorrow) and September 30th in Circle.

The Beginner Believer series is gaining momentum on YouTube and we are grateful to be part of God's mission to reach everyone with the accessible, relevant, beauty of the Scriptures! Here is what we've covered on YouTube the last few weeks:

If you enjoy the channel, please like, subscribe and share our videos as we continue to let readers know we have expanded into this platform!