Demand for coaching teams who work together has grown in the second half here in Singapore, and on the road in Hong Kong and Bangkok. Here's a common theme - expanding the manager's capacity to hold and protect the safe and uncomfortable space.

 

When your team is holding back in a meeting, the solution isn’t to push them to be assertive - it’s to create a safe and uncomfortable space. 

Assertiveness isn't a personality trait; it’s a muscle that grows through challenge. Rather than pushing for immediate confidence, invite your team into discomfort by fostering discussions where their input becomes indispensable. Let silence and discomfort do the work, nudging them to fill the gap with their own voices. 

This process reframes assertiveness as a necessity, not a choice. By fostering a culture where contribution is expected—not just encouraged—they’ll find their assertive stance, driven by the need to be heard and to contribute meaningfully.

 

If this is your team, let's talk about how to create that safe and uncomfortable space for growth. Drop me a line if you'd like to catch up in Hong Kong or Bangkok before year end.

I have been writing about the psychodynamics of starting a new job for a course on Transitioning into a New Role. 

 

New hires, especially those in leadership or high-visibility roles, are often cast into unconscious roles that reflect the organization’s fantasies or fears. For instance, in organizations accustomed to relying on heroic leaders, you may be unconsciously cast as the next “saviour” burdened with expectations for swift and dramatic solutions. Alternatively, if the company is resistant to change, you might be viewed as the “outsider” whose new ideas are met with suspicion or defensiveness.

 

One of the most effective ways to avoid being trapped in an unconscious organizational role is to proactively shape the narrative about your role and contributions. Be clear about what you are there to do, and set realistic expectations with your manager, team, and stakeholders. This allows you to define your role on your own terms, rather than being boxed into an unconscious fantasy that limits your effectiveness.

 

Read more on my blog here  

One of my clients, a first-time  manager in a multinational firm, was consistently overlooked for promotion despite strong performance metrics. They were stuck in their perception that management was biased, and they felt frustrated and undervalued. 

 

Instead of blaming leadership, we reframed the narrative to focus on what was within their control: enhancing visibility, cultivating strategic relationships, and demonstrating leadership capabilities that extend beyond their current role. I guided them through specific actions: volunteering for high-impact projects, refining their communication with senior leaders, and showcasing their contributions in a way that aligned with the company’s strategic goals. 

 

This mindset shift—from passive frustration to proactive ownership of their career—contributed to them being recognized for a leadership role in a different division and promotion followed at the end of the year. By taking accountability for their own growth, they moved from feeling overlooked to taking deliberate steps that transformed their career trajectory.

If you are confident that you are a strong fit for the role you’re pursuing through online applications but consistently face rejection, it’s time to pivot your approach and focus on networking directly with potential hiring managers.

 

Blaming the algorithm or feeling unjustly overlooked is unproductive. Online portals are often overwhelmed with applicants, and automated screening tools may prioritize qualifications that differ from yours.

 

Rather, take action by strategically networking to create meaningful connections with decision-makers. Reach out to professionals within your target companies, attend industry events, and leverage platforms like LinkedIn to engage in conversations with hiring managers. 

 

Direct engagement not only demonstrates your interest but also allows you to articulate your unique value proposition more distinctly—something frequently lost in the impersonal nature of online applications.

If you received this email from a friend, and would like to subscribe, please visit my website