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Expert Support for Parenting Your Teen 
or Young Adult
Resources For Parents & Providers
 
October 2024 Newsletter
 
“The Antidote to the Road Rage”

 
Here is something you may not know about me: I have terrible road rage
 
I know. I seem so nice it is weird, right? (This is where you say, “Yes”.)
 
But get me behind the wheel of a car and the things that come out of my mouth are, to be frank, downright shocking. Even to me sometimes. 
 
Perhaps it is a hangover from living in LA and essentially sitting in traffic for 11 years. 
 
(I dare you to try and spend 90 minutes going 3 miles on the 405 on a Friday afternoon and NOT become a complete monster of a human being.)
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I feel this deeply.
Normally, I am a pretty compassionate and kind person. (Again, say: “Yes”.)
 
And road rage is a unique situation in my life which, all of a sudden, I assume the absolute worst about everyone
 
Everyone is trying to cut me off.
Everyone is trying to drive into me.
Everyone seems to exist on the road for the sole purpose of just pissing me off. 
 
I take this all very personally because, as it seems to me when I am in the Road Rage Headspace, everyone is mean, malicious and out to get me. 
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(I told you: I get a bit unhinged.)
 
But, no matter how ramped up I am, there is one thing that always helps me snap out of it.
 
A little bumper sticker that says 2 words:
STUDENT DRIVER
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I took this beautiful picture for you guys. You're welcome.
All of a sudden, that swerve into my lane or that interminable pause at the yellow arrow that caused me to get stuck, yet again, at another round at the light when I am already running late, was simply a mistake- just the sign of an inexperienced driver who is learning and nothing more than that. 
 
They aren’t trying to ruin my day, they are just new to driving and have a lack of experience and limited training.
 
All of a sudden, I can give them grace
I can allow them the benefit of the doubt
I can assume they are doing the best can with what they have
(Even if they don't have much.)
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Yep. We've all been there.
And all that road rage, quickly shifts to empathy, compassion and patience.
 
I can take a breath and return to my kind, sweet, lovely self. (Say, “Yes".)
 
Because learning how to drive is hard and scary. 
 
I remember being 15, behind the wheel of the family minivan, ink not yet dry on my learner's permit, with my Dad, riding shotgun, encouraging me accelerate to “Pass this suckwad!” as my Mom was screaming top her lungs “SLOW DOWN!" from the backseat. 
 
It was terrifying.
 
(Suffice it to say, I pulled over, asked my Dad to drive and refused to ever drive a car with both of them in it at the same time ever again. Even now. 24 years later.)
 
Your teen or young adult is like a student driver. 
But at life. 
Like a STUDENT HUMAN.
 
They are learning and learning how to do life, like driving, is hard and scary.
They are new and green and inexperienced at being humans.
They need our patience, our calm and our grace in order to make mistakes so they can get better.
 
And it helps to remember that they aren't driving poorly to ruin your day or piss you off. They simply don't know. 
 
I love this little saying from various Moms on the Internet, which is something along the lines of:
 
My children aren't giving me a hard time, they are having a hard time. 
 
When they struggle, so often it isn't personal, even though it feels like it is.
 
(This is true even when they say things like, “I hate you [ENTER YOUR NAME] and you are the worst parent in the world [ENTER YOUR NAME AGAIN].” Trust me on this one.)
 
They aren't trying to get in your way or make you crash or drive your (emotional) car off a cliff, they are just struggling with what they don't know how to do well yet, which is “Adult” and “Be Human” and “Be a Rational Reasonable Person in the World". 
 
So the next time your adolescent does something that makes you want to yell a wild string of curse words and flip them the bird (figuratively or maybe even literally), just imagine they have a huge yellow bumper sticker on their forehead that says STUDENT HUMAN.
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You can just cross out “Drive this Car” 
and replace it with “Be a Human Being in the World”
They are just learning and when you remind yourself of that, it can help you not take it personally so you can access your empathy and your patience, so you can help them stay safe while they get better and better at navigating the adult world they are preparing to enter.
 
They need you riding shotgun so you can help them learn. So pack your patience, your empathy and your compassion to go along with your understanding of basic car mechanics and traffic laws. In life, just like driving, they are going to need both from you. 
You've got this,
Bryn
PS: There are still a few spots in my
virtual, half-day Caregiver Workshop on 
on Friday, November 8th. 
Bring more understanding and empathy to your child's struggles
and get concrete tools so your help feels more effective 
and less “banging your head against a wall”. 
 
 
 
 
 

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