How to Give the Best Gifts Ever:
A Guide for Neurodivergent Adults
Gift giving can be stressful for anyone, but for many Neurodivergent adults, it often feels like walking through a maze with no clear exit. The holidays can be filled with endless gift expectations, from coworkers, to bosses, friends, and family members. Gift giving requires time, planning, and perspective-taking to figure out what people like. It can quickly become overwhelming when you have so many people to think of at one time. But let’s break it down, redefine what a gift really is, and find a way to make this tradition a little less daunting and a lot more meaningful.
What Is a Gift?: At its core, a gift is a gesture of connection. Gifts are a way of saying, “I see you,” or “I thought about you.”
A gift doesn’t have to be expensive, complicated, or perfect. It doesn’t even have to be wrapped in fancy paper. It just needs to show that you care. By shifting your focus from “getting it right” to “expressing care,” the process of gift giving becomes a lot less stressful.
When I think of the gifts that took my breath away, they were often gifts that felt “like me.” I HATE cliche' gifts. Roses on Valentines Day? No thanks. Jewelry? Nope. Expensive purses? Not for me.
What are the gifts that I'm still talking about years later?…..
•My favorite coffee mug in a new seasonal color? YES PLEASE.
•A pizza making class at my favorite pizza restaurant? OMG YESSSSSSS.
•My favorite pens have a new multicolor seasonal jumbo pack? Yes. All the pens.
•A photo shoot with a local photographer so I could actually be in a picture with me kids? I'm still weepy about this one.
•A delivery of my favorite overpriced ice cream (Jeni's) on a day I have no time to celebrate? Oh yeah…easy way to make me cry.
My husband has freaked out exactly twice during gift exchanges. TWICE….
•personalized photo stickers featuring his cartoon face for his sourdough bread bags
•a blowtorch that burns the weeds right out of your sidewalk.
What do all of these things have in common? They were all things that make us smile. Anyone giving these gifts was really paying attention to what lights us up. Most of these gifts were not extravagant, or things that we asked for.
Why Some Gifts Land and Others Don’t: The best gifts often share certain qualities. They’re not random; they’re thoughtful. Let's break this down. Below are some reasons why certain gifts feel so meaningful and land better than others:
1. They’re Thoughtful. A thoughtful gift reflects something you know about the person. It could be a nod to their favorite hobby, a shared inside joke, or something they mentioned in passing months ago. Thoughtfulness shows that you’re paying attention, and that’s what really matters. Many ND adults like to keep a note on their phone of thoughtful ideas that come up throughout the year.
2. They’re Homemade. There’s something undeniably special about a gift you’ve made yourself. Whether it’s a piece of art, a batch of cookies, a craft, sourdough bread, or a playlist, homemade gifts carry the weight of time and effort—and that’s priceless.
3. They’re Things You Already Like. Sharing something you personally love can make a gift incredibly personal. Whether it’s your favorite book, a comfort item you swear by, or a new gadget that makes your life easier, it’s like inviting someone into your world.
4. They’re Things the Recipient Didn’t Know Existed. Novelty gifts can be delightful. Introducing someone to a product, experience, or idea they’ve never encountered before shows creativity and care. Think quirky kitchen gadgets, niche books, or unique sensory items.
5. They’re Sentimental. A sentimental gift often ties into a shared memory or meaningful moment. It could be a framed photo, a handwritten letter, or a memento from a favorite trip. Sentimental gifts remind people of the bond you share.
6. They’re an Updated Version of Something the Recipient Already Loves. If someone has a favorite item that’s seen better days—like a worn-out hoodie or a scratched vinyl record—an upgraded or replacement version can be the perfect gift. It shows you’ve noticed and care about their comfort.
7. They Make Life Easier. Practical gifts are underrated. An ergonomic chair, a meal subscription service, or even a high-quality travel mug can show you’re thinking about their daily life and how to make it better. They might even solve a problem. Sometimes the best gifts are the ones that make you think, “Wow, I didn’t realize how much I needed this.” Whether it’s a gadget to streamline daily tasks or an item that addresses a specific challenge, these gifts feel like a thoughtful solution.
8. They’re an Adventure Waiting to Happen. Experience-based gifts, like tickets to a show, a cooking class, or a nature outing, create opportunities for joy and connection. These gifts say, “Let’s make memories together."
9. They Show Respect for Someone’s Identity A gift that acknowledges and celebrates who someone is—whether it’s related to their cultural background, neurodivergence, or personal values—lands deeply because it makes them feel seen and understood.
10. They Expand on Something You Already Know They Love Think about what the person already enjoys and find a way to build on it. Do they have a favorite author? Look for a new release or a related book. Are they into a specific hobby? Consider accessories, upgrades, or related tools. Expanding on something they love shows that you’re in tune with their interests and care about their passions.
The Pressure of Predicting Preferences. One of the biggest challenges of gift giving is the pressure to predict someone else’s behavior and feelings—something that can feel particularly difficult for Autistic people. What if they don’t like it? What if they already have it? These questions can spiral quickly into anxiety.
Here’s a secret: you don’t have to be perfect. People rarely remember every gift they’ve ever received, but they do remember the thought behind it. If you’re unsure, don’t hesitate to ask for hints or go with a gift card. There’s no shame in letting the recipient choose something they truly want.
Making Gift Giving More Autistic-Friendly:To make the process less stressful, consider the following strategies:
Stick to a Theme: Narrowing your options to a theme (like “sensory-friendly” or “plants”) can help reduce decision fatigue.
Use Lists: Ask your friends and family for wish lists. This eliminates guesswork and ensures your gift will be appreciated.
Give Experiences: Opt for experiences over physical items if you’re unsure about material gifts.
Focus on Practicality: Many Autistic people prefer useful gifts over sentimental ones, so don’t shy away from giving something practical.
Know That It’s Okay to Simplify: You don’t have to reinvent the wheel. A gift card, a thoughtful note, or even just quality time can be enough.
Wrapping It All Up: Gift giving doesn’t have to be a high-stakes test. It’s not about perfection or predicting someone else’s every desire. It’s about connection. Whether your gift is practical, quirky, homemade, or store-bought, the best gifts come from a place of care. And if you’re still feeling overwhelmed? Remember this: the thought really does count. Every time.
