I have been learning tennis. 

 

I am terrible at it. And, I love it. 

 

(This has a point about parenting, I promise.)

 

One of the things that really strikes me about tennis, is how crucial it is to get two things down. 

 

One thing is your grip. Forehand, the dreaded backhand, the volleys…but really the intensity of your grip is so key. (This is so important we are going to cover it in April's “Tennis and Parenting. Part 2.” Try to contain your excitement people.)

 

But the other thing is really important and actually comes before your grip.

 

And you will know this if you have played any sport from skiing to soccer to shooting a shotgun: being in an athletic stance is key. 

 

(I swear the parenting part is coming!)

 

When we walk through the world, standing in line at Trader Joe’s for example, we are not in an athletic stance. We are flat footed, our knees are locked in their full and upright position, our torso is rigid and straight. This is how you more typically move through the world. 

 

And while this works for buying groceries, if someone were to come along and give you a healthy shove (as my father in law is known to do while teaching someone about athletic stance), you fall right over. 

 

(It’s a helpful way to teach a lesson in that you don’t soon forget it.)

Elaine: The best shover of all time. 

The athletic stance is defined as having feet that are wider than hip width and with the weight in the middle of your foot, knees slightly bent and torso slightly forward (see picture below or, if you want a deep dive, you can watch this video from Dick’s Sporting Goods starring the exact guy you would think would do this video). 

This is crucially important in so many sports (including the sport of “having your father in law give you a healthy shove”) because it allows you to remain prepared for whatever comes next. You are able to respond more quickly, no matter where the ball goes, because you are in a state of constant readiness. 

 

(It is important to note that an athletic stance also does not mean running around the court like a chicken with your head cut off while your partner is getting ready to serve. You are prepared and ready, but you aren’t burning your precious energy running from one side to the other trying to guess where the ball is going to go. You will need that energy for the game, so save it.)

Don't do this. This is not what we want.

Interestingly, the athletic stance also helps prevent injury and keeps athletes safe as they tackle bigger and bigger challenges in their sport. 

 

The athletic stance is a state of readiness and flexibility that is

 

 

(I told you the parenting part was coming!)

 

As parents, we can get into that Trader Joe’s position when we get rigid about what things “should” or “shouldn’t” be like. Our kids “should” being do this or they “shouldn’t” be doing that. Parenting “should” feel one way and it “shouldn’t” feel another. This can be especially true on social media, where perfectly groomed influencer parent-types are all telling us how we SHOULD feel about having kids, when often we just feel tired. 

 

In our “should-ing”, we are stiff and tense and if someone, most likely your adolescent, comes along and gives you a healthy shove, as they are known to do (emotionally usually), we fall right over.

Yep. Feels like parenting alright.

So, as you continue to move through this season of life, 

whatever that season may be for you, 

 

 

And when your stance gets tall and rigid and you are in your “shoulds” and “shouldn’ts”, imagine my father in law is going to come give you a healthy shove and you need to get ready. Get your knees bent, your weight distributed evenly, drop your shoulders a little. Sometimes the best thing we can do is remind ourselves that we ARE capable of doing the hard things that parenting requires. 

 

 we are ready to respond to whatever our kids send our way. 

 

Our kids need us as playing partners, 

whether they tell us that or not. 

 

And we will all get better the more we get on the court together. 

 

Maybe there is a reason the starting score in tennis is…

wait for it…

(Three parenting/tennis jokes! How exciting!)

If there is hope for me with tennis, I promise there is hope for you with showing up as the parent you want to be for your kid, 

even in moments of immense struggle.

 

 

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