It usually starts with a mistake.

 

Then it snowballs from there.

 

A missed appointment, a messy house, a dying plant, something going bad in the fridge. The evidence of doing one thing wrong, or not all the way, or not as I intended or hoped leads to “I can’t do anything right.” And the “anything” drawer in my mind springs open like the file cabinet in Bruce Almighty. You know that scene? 

 

Hopefully I didn’t lose you there to a rabbit trail of youtube clips. 

 

But I’ve learned that just because a thought pops into my head, doesn’t mean I have to believe it. And even though that barrage of shameful thoughts feels like it’s going to push me to the floor and almost scoot me out the window (this makes sense if you watched that clip, but if you didn’t, just stick with me), it can actually be a really helpful moment. Just because you’re spinning doesn’t mean you have to spiral.

 

I’ve learned that’s what’s really helpful is not to push down, but to actually write down every single thing that I feel ashamed of in that moment—to pick those files up case by case and open them and consider them and deal with them one at a time. That’s what it means to take every thought captive “to make it obedient to Christ.”

 

When I open those “files” of evidence against me, whether the case is that I'm unproductive or a bad mom or a failure of a housekeeper, I separate them out into three categories using three diagnostic questions.

 

 

Ask, “what disordered love is this pointing to that I need to ask the Holy Spirit to re-order in my heart—making himself number one to help me walk in his ways?” When I identify and confess that out-of-orderness, a beautiful thing happens. I’M FREE! Instead of lying in an unproductive ineffective shame puddle, I stand up with a clear conscience, purified from dead works to serve a living God (Hebrew 9:14).

 

 

Take inventory of your current physical, mental, and external limitations. What is going on in your life? What has changed in your circumstances that you may not have taken into account? 

 

Ask, “Is this something I could ask for help with, hire someone to do, or look for a practical solution for? What resources are available to me here that I am not tapping into?” or say, “This is an unrealistic expectation while I am in this season.” or “I am going to table this desire or expectation until _____.”

 

 

Ask, “What do I need to let go of in order to be more consistent with it?” or “When can I set aside time to make sure this gets done.” or say “I commit to do this before ______ (less necessary task).”

 

 

Shame is a terrible feeling, but it can also serve as an invitation to joy and more fruitful living when we deal with it like this, moving from saying “What’s wrong with me?” to “What’s our of order in my heart, expectations, or priorities?”

 

I hope this little diagnostic/ sorting activity will be a gift to you the next time you find yourself spiraling. Feel free to invite someone into the process if your thoughts get a little too swimmy. We were saved into a community for a reason! Happy hunting as you take your thoughts captive, friends.

 

 

with humble gratitude,

 

Now, this question/ activity is not designed to teach them to look for the approval of others, but, it is designed to help them consider the impact of their behavior on other people, and to stir them up to love and good deeds by inviting them to pause to consider how they might be a blessing to the space and the people they're getting ready to interact with (Hebrews 10:24; Phil 2; 2 Cor 9:8-11). I ask this when we're walking into church, someone's home, a park or splashpad, or gym childcare. 

 

I truly love hearing their responses to the second part of this question. Try it with your kids in different sitations and let me know how it goes!

I've been reading a chapter aloud to my boys all together at night this summer. The littlest is usually snoozing by the time we finish… but this is always sort of a dream come true moment for me. reading aloud to my kids is something I looked forward to since reading “The Read Aloud Family” when I was pregnant with my oldest. 

The final board book in the Training Young Hearts Series, What are Feeling for? releases June 1! We created a feelings chart with characters from the book for you to use with your kids! This has already been well loved and used in our home. But it's only available for a few more days! No matter where you order from, you can claim your preorder bonus at this link.

R. Yes! So I've been working on dead hang pull-ups and push-ups. But, honestly, my goal for the summer is more about my mental stamina than my physical strength. I'm trying to grow in endurance and perseverance. So, I'm focusing on not stopping before reaching the end of a set or rep count goal, or running past the finish line, unless I physically cannot continue. I see the benefits of this in my everyday life as I work with diligence or hold my tongue.

 

I try to go to bed at a time that allows me to get 8 hours of sleep and be up before my kids. Ideally, that's 30 minutes. I make coffee, start a load of towels, have time for personal worship, and then move that load of towels over and set out or prep whatever is for breakfast. I'm dressed and ready to help them stay on track with their responsibilities from 6:45-7:45am when we leave for the gym. I work out at a gym with childcare from 8:15-9:00am. On Wednesdays and Fridays, our sitter grabs them from there, and I work for a few hours. On other mornings, we usually head to a splash pad, the pool, or the beach. Afternoon rest time is key for me; this can be flexible, but is typically an hour. This gives me a break from parenting and gives them a break from each other. We all need this downtime. If we're out for the morning, we're in for the afternoon. If we're in for the morning, we go out for the afternoon. 

 

One of our favorite summer rhythms is meeting some other families at the beach once a week with a picnic dinner. If you don't live near the beach, you could do this as an open invitation to a park or public place. We love having a way to invite or host people without having to coordinate or worry about details. And it's an easy way to connect people with our community. 

 

I keep my dinner rotation, but will prep most of it ahead of time so it's easy to reheat since we roll in later from playing outside more! My big summer mantra, though, is from my camp counseling days: “ Quit while the kids are having fun.” We don't wait until everyone is losing it to wrap it up; we anticipate hunger and fatigue and try to stay ahead of it.

 

This is super unique to our area, but David and I map out the tides at the beginning of the summer and put them on the calendar so that we can boat to a sandbar as a family any time he has a window that we can. His work picks up a lot in the summer, so we're openhanded with this, but have also learned that being intentional makes it a lot more likely that we'll get to do this! (note: we live on an island, so this is a really normal activity for us!).

 

 

A. I tell my kids that I'm overstimulated. This doesn't have to be a secret! In fact, I think it's really good for them to see us feel that way and watch how we handle it. Sometimes, I'll recite the fruits of the Spirit while taking deep breaths, and they'll often join in. Sometimes I'll say, “I'm feeling overstimulated; I'm going to step outside and talk to Jesus so that I don't speak to you in a way that I'll need to apologize for.” They've seen me do jumping jacks or run outside, and sometimes even ask, “Mommy, do you need to move your body?” I think the important thing, though, is to catch this WAY before the breaking point. Learn to pay attention to what's happening inside of you (heart rate, skin tightness, heat, holding your breath) and step away or gather everyone into an engaging way (playing a game) or scatter everyone into 10 minutes of quiet time with some incentive at the end like a popsicle toxgether or a trip to the car wash when the timer goes off. If I feel this happening in a rowdy car, I'll put on an engaging podcast they love, or I'll play music that we can all dance and sing along to. I tell my kids that I want to set us all up for success. They're generally really supportive. And I try to be supportive of them in the same way.

 

“12 Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions. 13 Do not present your members to sin as instruments for unrighteousness, but present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments for righteousness. 14 For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace.

 

-Romans 6:12-14

 

I'll save my best work and thoughts for this list, but I'll still be posting on the gram. If we're not connected there, I'd love for you to come follow along! Just click one of these “lately” photos below!