Expert Support for Parenting Your Teen or Young Adult Resources For Parents & Providers January 2024 Newsletter “New Year, Same You, New System” |
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As we enter another year, there is a lot of noise about resolutions. This whole “New Year, New You” energy. (Does anyone else feel like, “UGHHHHH” when you hear that? Or is it just me?!) If you have done any work with me, then you already know I am a James Clear/“Atomic Habits” Superfreak. (If you are new here, first of all: Welcome! I am glad you are here! Secondly, check out James Clear.You can thank me later.) And as my man James says, “You don’t rise to the level of your goals, you fall to the level of your systems.” (Swoon. I mean, does it get any more dreamy?!) |
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I warned you was a Superfreak. |
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Don't get me wrong. Goals are great. They can help us articulate what we are shooting for and they can help us assess progress as we move through our journey. But goals don’t tell us much about the HOW. How are we going to get started? How are we going to keep going when it, inevitably, gets hard? How are we going to know what to do after we have “gotten there”? So instead of a resolution, I would like to offer you this idea: New Year, Same You, New System. We don’t need a whole new you (in fact, we very much need the old you or the current you or the you that is reading this newsletter right now! We love that you and the people that love you love that you!), but we may benefit from a new plan. A new course of action. A new system to support you in 2025, in whatever your goals are. |
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And, if you have been here while, you will also know, that in addition to being a James Clear/”Atomic Habits” Superfreak, I also love an alliteration. (Again, new here? So glad to have you! Get ready for some serious alliterating! Which, by the way, is a real word. I looked it up.) So, to start your 2025 with a bang, in any area in your life you are looking to make a change, I invite you to try this system: - Attunement
- Alignment
- Accountability
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Your feelings about this part of your life are important data, even if they are uncomfortable. Feeling disappointed in your job? That’s key. Feeling disconnected from your friends? Super important. Feeling lost in your parenting? Painful, but valuable info. Being aware of these feelings is akin to finding your “YOU ARE HERE” star on the map: it is where all journeys start. These feelings are like a fire alarm: loud, irritating, but designed to stop you in your tracks and change your course. Feelings, like fire alarms are designed to be helpful, not enjoyable or comfortable. We ignore both at our own peril (and risk of headache). |
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Pretty hard to ignore right? |
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Which brings us to Alignment. These feelings are often activated because we are living out of alignment with our values. We know certain things are important to us, like being the parent we want to be or showing up with patience at work, but we have let other things, dare I say less important things, get in the way. Before you start beating yourself up about this (I saw you), know that this is inevitable. Life happens. We have to pay bills and make dentist appointments and go to the (godforsaken) grocery store. |
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Actual security footage of me at Trader Joe's. |
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But knowing when we are out of alignment with our values, knowing what our values are, is such an important part of powering our why. (Side Note: If you aren’t sure where to start with values, I have a few ideas below. The worksheet is one of my all time favorite ways to work with values in my sessions and groups and you can do it on your own!) |
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Powering of our why, fueling our motivation and our determination to keep going, even when it is hard and the winds are blowing in our face (or is that just my kids yelling at me because I am trying to set a limit with them? Either way! We press on friends!), is so important for the last part: Accountability. Accountability is the part where the rubber meets the road. This is where we, to use an Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (or ACT, because therapists LOVE an acronym almost as much as I love an alliteration) term, “take committed action toward our values-based direction”. Huh? We do the hard thing. We do the scary thing. We do the thing that gets us closer to the life we want, even when doing that thing sucks. And we do it over and over and over again. And in doing this hard, scary sucky thing over and over again, we change who we are in the world which also, not to be grandiose, changes the world, or at least our beautiful, little corner of the world. (Take that "New Year, New You". Insert Mic drop emoji here.) We live out our values. We get closer to the things that are most important to us. We lead a full, rich and meaningful life. (Also an ACT thing. I know, pretty cool right?) |
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What could be better than a rich, full and meaningful life? |
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So instead of a “New Year, New You” Resolution this year, what if you took pen to paper and write out your “Attenument, Alignment and Accountability Plan”. If you don’t know where to start, give yourself 5 minutes and try this: Attunement: What am I feeling? Alignment: What is most important to me? Accountability: What am I going to do about it this year? I hope this exercise helps you point your ship in a solid direction. If one of those values is being the parent you want to be for your kids- ditto. I am right there with you. And, I have made it the mission of my work to help make that easier for parents just like you and me. To a healthy and vibrant 2025, |
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PS: If you want more support as you start 2025, this coming Monday. Grab your seat now! |
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