Hello First name / friend,
I remember sitting in Mr. Chaplin’s 6th grade class, the start of another day, when he announced to the class, “Today you will have a special experience. We are being visited by an expert in music. He will test each one of you to determine what musical instrument you are a natural at.” That may seem a little odd. That a small public school would bring in a music expert for a bunch of sixth graders, but in our school, the high school marching band was a big deal and so the school tested every child in the 6th grade. That way when we hit high school our marching band kept humming along, winning award after award.
Our teacher started in alphabetical order, marching us down one by one to be tested in a private room. My classmates were each returning with smiles on their faces. “He said I would be great at the clarinet” I remember one girl said. Another boy returned to tell us the expert determined he would exceptional with a trumpet. Some classmates beaming with excitement for being praised that they were “a natural” in 2 instruments.
My turn came and I wasn’t nervous at all. I was known for being a student who always got an A grade, and this was just another test.
The room I entered was small. About the size of a janitor’s closet. It had a small wooden table and two chairs. The music expert was already seated in one, and upon me entering, he motioned for me to sit in the empty chair.
I don’t remember much talking, it seemed as soon as I sat down, he said, “look at my lips, now put yours together just like that. I proceeded to mimic his odd lip formation upon which he gave me some strange orifice. “Now blow” was his next command. I blew, but it sure didn’t sound like any sounds that came from dad’s Lawernce Welk’s records. We did 3 more attempts; each time the expert would check my lip formation. “Let’s try this” showing me a different lip pose and gave me a piece of metal with some wood on it, to stick between my lips and blow. The first time I blew on this contraption it didn’t even make a sound. The wood also made my lip feel weird so the next few times I probably didn’t give it my best. “Ok, let’s move on” he said in a very frustrated tone. He had me put down the wood gizmo and then he tapped a couple times on the table. “Can you repeat that?” he asked. I did. Don’t get too excited here. It was just two taps on a table. Thump, thump. It wasn’t too difficult. Then we did about 3 or 4 more tapping games, they were a little harder. Each time I mimicked his tapping he didn’t correct me, but he also didn’t smile, so I don’t think I was doing too well. After one more tap time, he grabbed a pen to fill out a form. Filling out the form, he said with disgust, “Well I guess you can try the drums”.
I went back to class. Walking slow, my head hung low. I was crushed. That was the first test I ever failed.
I have had numerous “run in’s” with music since then. Each time I tense up as the anxiety wells up inside. Talented friends over the years have attempted to teach me music. But every time I see a treble cliff; my mind fills with fog. My brain becomes mush.
My music message from an young age was, “you stink” and that got me thinking about our money messages.
If money had a voice right now, what would it say to you? Would it be, “You don’t deserve me” or “I am evil”, or “I will provide you status, respect, love”.
Where did that voice come from? What money memory gave the words to this message, this voice?
And lastly what do you want to do about it?
If it’s a healthy money message we should want to lean into it and embrace it.
But what if it’s unhealthy. Well, we can ignore it (spoiler alert-that won’t work, for more reasons than I have space for in this newsletter). We can stay stuck in it and let it define us. Or we can choose to change it.
Spend some time over the next couple weeks getting curious about your money messages and your money memories.
Thank you for investing in yourself.
If I can help you or a friend in your journey of money, grief & trauma. Reach out. We are all in this together.
