🌹— 🐍

 

greetings loves,

 

you may have noticed i don't naturally talk a lot about myself. i am a huge introvert with several Scorpio placements and… you can infer the rest, including my deep love for the f-bomb and my nearly-exclusive interest for going deep or going home. also, how my description of everything is just… “deep.” 🤣

 

however, i'm opening the doors to a brand-new offering next week; and the offering has invited me to tell you a story. 

 

curious about what's coming? here's a little tease.

 

🌞

now, on with the story…

🌞

 

the resounding chorus inside of my head the day i left church and never went back was — SHUT THE FUCK UP!

 

i left in the middle of a service because i felt like i was going to explode. i couldn’t stand one more minute of someone standing on a stage with this old (highly edited) book, telling me about their certainty and why i should be reconciling everything in my life to it.

 

my body felt like a stick of dynamite about to go off, and i was 🔥LIVID🔥 for (maybe, definitely) the first time in my young life.

 

but let's back up for a second… how did i get to this point?

 

growing up in evangelical churches, i had plenty of direct, mystical and miraculous encounters with the Unseen that fueled my innate hunger for the divine. when you are praying for someone and you visibly SEE them get out of a wheelchair and walk for the first time in 20 years or their skin cancer disappear in real time… it’s very powerful and life-changing. since i had only experienced these things in church or “christian” containers, i thought that was the only way i could know this part of reality.

 

as a kid, my story was pretty simple — Jesus felt like this amazing, warm, gentle sensation of grace and healing; and i just wanted to be near to that feeling. it felt like there was this being, out there, who understood my deep loneliness in the world and i loved knowing that i had him as a connection. but as i got older, it began to feel more like golden handcuffs that were losing their allure.

 

naturally, my life became more complex as i became a young adult. as a budding artist with plenty of wild ideas, my life was trying to mature, become something 5-D, and interesting. but conventional christianity kept reinforcing that my life had to be 2-D, kept reminding me about all the rules i had to follow in order for God to love me (not to mention end up in heaven). 

 

i went to a christian liberal arts college where my friends weren’t allowed to be gay (lol, i was in the dance program). there began to be this nagging division and pretending; i i started to get cut in half — the sacred and God on one hand / the creative, avant-garde and erotic on the other hand. 

 

back to this day when i had finally reached my limit… 

 

i was angry, bitter, disappointed and full (cup overflowing) with resentment. 

i could have set the whole place on fire. {cue Elmo in flames}

i had done all the “right” things my whole fucking life. 

i had been the nice person, followed all the rules, prayed all the prayers, abstained all the abstaining, watched the little kids in church, sang in worship bands… all the things. i was the epitome, the poster child, of what this church thing was selling.  

 

and you know what? 

my life absolutely sucked and i was miserable. 

 

i felt like i lived in jail. of course, the jail kept telling me it was the “right thing” to do.

 

but, i finally got the courage to leave when i walked out that day.

 

i left the only paradigm for the world i had ever known and embarked on a magical journey toward my true embodiment, which is my precise fractal of the One. 

 

what followed was a very non-linear, confusing and intense ride.

it involved a lot of anger, a lot of High Violet, a lot of driving too fast at night 

lots of sex with strangers

meditation, yoga

plenty of psychedelics 

energy work and magic 

until, finally, a decade later

i met the Goddess, the Great Lady, The Mother and Her Red Woman Mary Magdalene who came to me put her mouth over my mouth, her hand inside my heart, and breathed me back to full life and said 

 

and it was Jesus.

 

Her re-introduction, Her version of this story, healed something so hurt and so deep, something very young and innocent inside of me. 

since SHE did this, my whole path has unfolded with great clarity, calm and strength for the road ahead.

 

all true healing is remembrance.

 

all true embodiment is coming home — back to something you knew you knew, but it now it's totally different from where you are, Now.

 

now, i don’t have a giant limb of shame, unconscious repression and anger in my heart where Jesus used to live. 

 

now Yeshua is hanging out in my powerful heart temple with Kali Ma and Mary Magdalene and the great Mystery of the Whore and reinvigorating and activating all the things that 5-year-old baby me who was worshipping with the “grown-ups” with tears streaming down her face knew to be true.

 

now the Sun of God (i can't believe how often they misspell that!) and i are in a whole other world together — a world that has nothing to do with church, nothing to do with being good on the outside, nothing to do with “going to heaven.”

 

the Mystery is HOME, and anyone can lead you there.

any divine face can bring you back HOME

and it doesn’t have to be just one. 

there isn’t any ONE way to realize.

 

and… 

 

Yeshua is something so magical that happened to the planet that i am, personally, in love with. 

 

in fact, it's hard to go deep into any alchemical tradition (even yoga) without bumping elbows with someone obsessed with this mage — (Yogananda was a huge fan and insisted Jesus was a yogi who spent his off-grid years in India 📿).

 

here's what i do know… i live up the rose petals of the MA and SHE is obsessed with this boy. and… that's always fun, getting obsessed with a boy. 🙃😇

 

if you're curious, get ready to dive into this syncretic, probably (definitely) heretical take on Yeshua and the medicine of the Christ Consciousness on this great cusp of our human Story. 

 

🌞 Yeshua : Sun God opens for registration on SUNday. 🌞