There are moments as a parent coach that I feel like a complete fraud.

 

The universe seems to conspire to keep me humble in this regard. 

 

(Note to Universe: I don’t need that much help, thankyouverymuch.)

 

It feels like, every time I have a big talk or I start a new group and I am feeling really confident- you know those: “I’ve totally got this!” vibes- I, invariably, get a phone call from one of my kid’s schools.

 

“They bit someone.”

 

“They were roughhousing with their friend in the class. Again.”

 

“They are saying horrible curse words on the playground.”

 

(If you know me, you know this last one may be a little “the apple doesn't fall far from the tree” situation. My bad.)

I'm working on it okay?!

Dammit. (Whoops.) 

 

And just like that, there goes all that lovely “I’ve totally got this!” confidence.

 

It flies right out the window like the toy my 5 year old was dangling out of the car after I told him not to 100 times.

 

The story in my head starts going:

 

I am the parent with the kid that is biting/kicking/dropping F bombs on the playground! 

What the hell do I know?!?

 

(See: apple, tree.)

 

Activate total imposter syndrome. 

Me too bro.

So I take a deep breath, because, as trite as it sounds, it is true that most good decisions start with taking a deep breath.

 

Then, I have to walk myself through some version of this pep talk:

 

“Okay Bryn.

 

It is not your successes as a parent that teach you, it is your struggles.

 

Your wisdom comes from your mistakes, not your wins.

 

You don’t love doing parent work and supporting parents because you have it all figured out. 

 

You love doing parent work and supporting parents because you, sometimes desperately, need it yourself and, therefore, you have a ton of empathy and also know how valuable it is.”

 

Parenting is the most profound, amazing and fulfilling thing I have ever done or will ever do in my life. And it is hard as sh*t sometimes.

 

(Clearly, I've totally given up on not cursing at this point.)

 

So as I prepare to give an hour long presentation at an international therapy conference this week, one of those career things that has been a goal of mine for years, of course I have an epic fail parenting night. 

 

I bet you saw this coming, didn't you? Smart cookie.

Long story short, the kids were in the bath, they started fighting, and, after asking “nicely” a number of times, I totally lost it. I yelled. They yelled. I cried. They cried. Bathwater went everywhere. It was a total dumpster fire. 

 

Ugh, confidence blown. 

 

Cue the “deep breath and pep talk” protocol. 

 

So I asked myself, what is the learning here? 

 

 

And, most importantly: 

 

For me, it was worrying about dishes and laundry while solo parenting.

It was letting the coffee pot overflow all over the kitchen. Again.

It was trying to do it all, and all at once. 

I needed this coaching at bathtime.

(One of the best movies of all time by the way.)

We need awareness, not just of what sets us off, but of our underlying vulnerability to being set off. To use a few cliches, sometimes it is a case of death by 1,000 cuts or the straw and the camel’s back.

 

Sometimes, it isn’t about the thing that finally triggers our freakouts. It is about the 999 things that came before that brought us to this moment, where the moment is just a catalyst for the dam, that was already overflowing, to finally break.

 

So we start with 

Recognize.

 

 

 

What made me vulnerable to not being the parent I wanted to be at that moment? What, if anything, can I do to change that?

 

Feel free to create your own version of “deep breath + pep talk” for those inevitable moments of parenting struggle. 

Yes. We. Do.

It is the moments of struggle where the growth happens. 

 

Just like me this week, you can be both the parenting expert that has a great plan AND the parent that feels like they are failing. Both exist inside of us at the same time and both are valuable guides at different moments. They have a lot to learn from one another, so encourage them to work together. 

 

And when it sucks, remember, the Universe is working overtime to keep us humble.

 

To building your…

I mean…

Our parenting confidence.

 

You've got this,

registration is open for my March Course + Cohort.

 

If someone forwarded this to you, welcome!

Subscribe here.