I’ve heard these words every day from my beloved for the past 2,283 days. And still, they move me to tears.
Because for decades, I didn’t trust myself with men.
Not because I didn’t want love. I wanted it more than anything.
But my body didn’t trust men.
After being in highly toxic relationships, love was dangerous.
When you’ve been harmed by an unhealthy man, it’s easy to shut down to love. To believe there are no good men out there. To protect your heart by keeping all men at a distance.
Or worse—to test a good man unnecessarily, unable to believe that he actually wants to love and adore you.
Because even when I did meet a good man, my body didn't recognise him until my body felt safe to be loved. I felt vulnerable. Exposed. Like I was losing control.
But with unhealthy men? My body knew them. They felt familiar. My nervous system confused anxiety with attraction. (more later!)
So, my love, if you've been hurt before—if your heart has hardened, if you’ve closed off to love—I want you to know:
I see you. I understand. And I am so sorry for what you’ve been through.
No one deserves that.
And so today, I want to share with you the list that would have saved me decades of heartbreak, confusion, and self-blame.
Because instead of saying “I should have seen it coming”, you can learn to see it coming—clearly, confidently, and with love.
5 Signs of an Unhealthy Man
He will happily sit back and watch you do everything—without an ounce of guilt.
With him, you’ll give and give and give… and then give some more.
✨ A healthy man will challenge your ability to receive.
Because he wants to provide for you.
He wants to see you taken care of, adored, and supported.
If you're tired, sick, overworked, needing a hug—he won’t notice.
And if you tell him what you need, he might acknowledge it, but he won’t take action.
✨ A healthy man will always notice.
If something is off, he’ll feel it. He will do his best to meet your needs, because your well-being matters to him.
You will feel like an object.
Performative. Unseen. A means to his pleasure, not a partner in it.
✨ A healthy man is enamored by you.
He adores who you are. He is captivated by your energy.
And he loves seeing you in your pleasure.
He only feels secure when he is the center of your world.
If something brings you joy—friends, hobbies, passions—he will subtly (or not-so-subtly) squash it.
He might say things that make you second-guess your happiness, pull away when you’re thriving, or even criticize you for the very things that bring you joy.
✨ A healthy man wants you to be radiantly happy.
Your happiness uplifts him.
He supports the things that bring you joy, and he encourages you to fill your life with what makes you feel alive.
He wants you to be the source of your own happiness.
This one breaks my heart.
Some men enjoy breaking down a woman’s faith, optimism, and purity.
They introduce you to things you weren’t ready for. They take pleasure in your loss of innocence.
✨ A healthy man will always protect the innocent.
He values goodness, optimism, and trust.
And he instinctively protects those who approach life with a pure heart.
Why do we stay?
If these patterns are so clear… why do we stay?
Why do we keep choosing men who take from us, diminish us, and make us feel small?
Because to leave… means we have to receive.
And for so many of us, that is what feels very uncomfortable.
As women, we’ve been taught to earn love, not receive it.
We’ve been conditioned to believe that our worth is in what we give—how much we can hold, fix, and sacrifice.
So when a man comes along who wants to give to us—who wants to protect, provide, and cherish us…
We panic. We push him away. We test him. We find reasons why he can’t possibly be real.
Because being cherished feels more uncomfortable than being used.
But my love—this is the pattern you can break.
Healing Is Possible. Your Body Can Learn to Feel Safe in Love.
If this is you, my love, please know this: You are not broken. You do not need fixing.
The fact that you’ve struggled with love does not mean you are unworthy of it.
It just means your body has learned to survive in ways that kept you safe—even if those ways no longer serve you.
But you can heal this.
Your body can learn to feel safe with love.
You can learn to trust yourself again.
You can find a man who is nurturing, supportive, and deeply devoted to you.
And when you do?
Love will feel different.
✨ It won’t feel like a high. It will feel like home. ✨ It won’t leave you guessing. It will feel clear and steady. ✨ It won’t make you shrink. It will make you expand.
Because when you heal at the level of your body, love finally becomes what it was always meant to be: a place of rest, joy, and devotion.
💌 I’d love to hear your thoughts—just hit reply and share your insights. I always love reading your responses.
And remember, my love: 98% of men feel privileged to protect, support, and care for you.
I invite you to look for the signs—to notice when a man is showing you that he is a protector.
Until next week, my beloveds…ps I have an invitation below… keep going
Lots of love
Manjit xo
ps: If you’re done with unhealthy relationship patterns and ready for a deep, lasting shift, I have one spot open for private 1:1 coaching.
Let’s get clear on what’s holding you back—and open you to the love you deserve.
