Dear friend,

 

Did you receive the Spirit by the works of the law, or by believing what you heard?
 

- Galatians 3:2-

 

When I was a homeschooled teen there weren't as many resources available for home educators as there are now. My parents did the best they could in our rural area: Putting us in 4-H equestrian sports, signing my siblings up to play for local school teams, involving us in music lessons, choir, and in a local drama group for girls.

 

While some of my lifelong friends came out of that drama group, my parents have since said that – if they had it over – they wouldn't have chosen that community. Part of their reasoning had to do with the group's mission: Teaching girls about purity. 

 

While the intention was very good, the execution depended on typical books from that season of “purity culture” education: I Kissed Dating Goodbye, Before You Meet Prince Charming, and Emotional Purity; Secret Keeper on modesty, and so on. While these, too, had good intentions, the watch-dog approach to purity (with zero teaching on the Holy Spirit and His role) inevitably led to legalism. 

 

Legalism is, as I define it, is “man's shortcut to God's holiness”. Rather than listen for the Spirit's voice and walk in step with His conviction, we make special lists of manmade rules. And while boundaries are essential and good, they cannot accomplish God's will when a heart is not given over to Him.

 

And that's exactly what happened. The group was split into girls who pushed the boundaries, or questioned the rationality of what was being taught, and girls who wanted to keep the boundaries… and “help” others keep them, too. Legalism produces a pecking order that destroys unity, peace, love, affection, and goodwill within the church. It also produces a desire to put “offenders” in their place or to push boundaries that don't make sense. In other words: it does not lead to the transformative character God desires for Christian life. Legalism undermines its own goal.

One of the most formative memories I have from this season is being required to write a letter of confession for “flirting” with a ski lift attendant when I was 16. I was a teenage girl, he was a bored worker standing in the cold. He was Colombian, friendly, and warm (and from a warm culture!) and like any teen girl would do, I responded in kind. At the end of our ski day, he kissed me on the cheek. I blushed, flattered – and then realized “what I'd done”.

 

In a tizzy I ran into the lodge and confessed. I was terrified of what would be said about me, so I blamed it on him (there was an element of inappropriateness given that he was a worker and I was a minor, but this was 2006… and he didn't intend anything beyond it). Even so, I was required to make a public confession for “flirting” with him, leading him to the dastardly behavior of kissing me on the cheek. 

 

I can still see my trembling hands holding my letter. I can feel the sun beating down on my back, my peer group looking up at me with expectant faces. Shame. All I felt was shame. Deep down, I wasn't even sorry he kissed me. I was in terror of what people would say or think. I submitted to my punishment and the abject shame of my “sin”, and swore to myself I would never open my heart again – to boys or girls. 

 

This is what legalism does. It cannot produce true repentance; it can only produce fear of man. Apologies and recognition of sin come from fear of being exposed or rejected, not from true remorse. This experience formed me deeply. It led to a deep struggle with fear of man, but it also led me on a path to finding the true heart of God. It led me to recognize the problems and flaws with legalistic teaching – and instead of walking AWAY from the church and from Christ, I found them more truly than ever. 

I am deeply grateful my daughter will never go through something like this. I am also deeply grateful for the experience, because it equipped me to speak to those who've been through (or are currently in) spaces like these. My prayer for my online community is for liberation from these narratives; my prayer is for healing and freedom, true community without competition. It exists! 

 

 

A few bestsellers from over the weekend! Revelation is topping our list as people grab their copy in time for the community wide study starting online April 1st!

 

This week is full of church holiday celebration! Fat Tuesday (also known as Mardi Gras) is tomorrow, a day when Christians would enjoy all the foods they planned to abstain from during the 40-day fast. Traditionally this would be things like sugar, eggs, and meat (other than fish). In northern Michigan, where we have strong Polish roots (I am Polish!), we celebrate by buying paczkis (cream or jelly filled donuts), a tradition my grandpa always loved. 

 

Ash Wednesday is the first day of Lent. This is a day when we mark the sanctity of the next 40 days. Lent began as a 40-hour fast leading up to Easter, and gradually expanded into 40 days of instruction and fasting for catechumens (new believers) as they got ready for baptism on Easter. These 40 days are also a parallel to Jesus' 40 days in the wilderness. You might consider attending an Ash Wednesday service to celebrate – we may join our friends' Anglican service that morning. 

 

Here are some resources we will be using during Lent and how we are navigating this with our kids.