I saw it. I wanted it. So… I stole it.
But before you call the cops, let me explain!
… I was influenced.
Twelve is that weird in-between age—you’re too old for make-believe, too young to drive, and dating?
Yeah, that wasn’t even on the table.
So when summer hits, boredom sets in, and the only place within walking distance is Walmart…
Walmart becomes the hangout spot.
If you think about it, it’s the perfect playground for pre-teens.
When we weren’t racing carts in the parking lot (which, by the way, is how I sprained my ankle… the first time), trying on outfits, and stuffing our hoodies with free cookies from the bakery (is this why they stopped doing this?), we were scanning the polished floors for spare change so we could actually buy something.
One day, my cousins, Amy and Melanie, my sister Melissa, and I are getting restless, flipping over plastic CD cases until and comparing the latest Now That's What I Call Music! only do be faced with a harsh reality:
We'd NEVER be able to listen to these awesome albums unless we came up with some cash.
So, we push the square cases back into their plastic homes and huddle together to devise a plan— split up and scour every aisle, checkout lane, and forgotten corner for loose change.
Amy and I slowly make our way to the front of Walmart, shoving our deliciously free cookies into our mouths, occasionally picking up pennies and quarters off the floor, and probably laughing hysterically at something that wasn’t funny at all
(like the fact that we both had cookies nearly spilling out of the pockets of our Wet Seal zip up jackets).
Side quest: The four of us were not Allowance Kids. We either hunted for money in couch cushions, earned money babysitting, or we were at the mercy of our parents who gave us money when they could.
In 30 minutes, we don’t even gather $1, but we go to the front anyway to see how much candy we can get from the candy disposal canisters (remember those?).
We’re standing in front of the candy aisle, which is directly across the from the cash register, when we realize us that we’re not even close to having enough money to treat ourselves.
Melissa and Melanie are no where in sight and since none of us had phones, Amy and I come to the conclusion that this will be a candy-less excursion.
Then, we had an idea.
(I can’t remember who said it first, so I’ll just take the blame and say it was me l— you’re welcome, Amy 😜)
I look over at Amy and say,
“Can't we just… take some?”
She looks at me, raises her eyebrows, and gasps.
“Tiffani! Noooooo, we can’t!”
Hysterical laughter ensues.
“No one will nooooticed,” I reason. “It’s right there.”
“Haha MAYBE we can…” Amy hesitates.
“You take one first.”
“No, you!”
“No, I can’t…”
We stood there for, I’m not kidding you, at least ten minutes just laughing our assess off (as we regularly do) at the idea of stealing this candy
(because , FOR THE RECORD, YOUR HONOR: stealing is very not Tiffani and Amy).
We’re probably 2 giggles away from taking the plunge into the candy pit when this GROWN ASS WOMAN comes up behind us, reaches into the candy, and growls,
“Yum!”
And then she WALKS. AWAY.
I’m sure you can guess what happened next.
Amy and I are practically rolling with laughter on the newly polished Walmart floor, right in front of the registers where everyone can see.
(thankfully, its' the middle of the day on Tuesday so no one is really there)
We could not believe this grown woman basically told us to steal candy.
And so, uh…. we did.
We each grabbed a handful of flavored tootsie rolls and butterscotch, quickly shoved them into our pockets filled with cookie crumb debris, and ran to find Melissa and Melanie to show them our stolen treasures.
