If I’m being honest, I’ve been having a challenge finding the energy and momentum to go out these days. 

 

On this particular day, I'd describe my mood as generally good, bright though I had some “legitimate” hesitancies for getting out for several hours because my cycle was beginning (sorry about the TMI but IYKYK!)  

But it wasn't even that - I just wasn’t feeling particularly social.

 

Being social, as an introvert, requires a kind of rallying to the connection for me. It's not because I have social anxiety or I’m generally shy. It's the energy required to meet each interaction authentically because I’m not the biggest fan of small talk.

 

Then there’s the layer of how to answer my least favorite question, “How are you?" 

 

I couldn’t be sure what would spill out or what I’d say because honestly…I’m not even sure what my answer is these days.

 

I am guilty of this, though. I ask people all the time, “How are you?” I'd love to remove this question from my vocabulary. But I still engage as a way of social politeness, an introduction, or a way into conversation. But what do we ever learn from it?

 

It’s rare to find the right context when we ask the question. Even more rare is to have someone ask you “how are you?” with the intention of deep listening, holding the space for whatever you might share, and offering sincere empathy and attention. That’s not a criticism, it’s just that we’ve taken this deep question and lessened it to a fleeting question that is the equal of “hello.”

 

This is especially true at a party full of party games, great food, and music.

So I’m at the party, doing my best to keep things light and then - as I knew would happen - a couple I know asks me, “so how are you? What’s been going on?”

 

Oh geez…I start scrambling in my mind…find something, find something…party appropriate. Upbeat. Keep it light, keep it light.

 

But instead what came out was… “well, to be honest, it’s been a pretty intense several months.” 

 

 

I did catch myself enough to then only say, “you know life, family stuff, and things going on in the world. I’m doing well but Life has been life-ing.”

 

Whew, saved. 

 

I was trying to spare this lovely couple and leave it at that. Even apologizing for offering a bit of a downer of a response at a birthday party.

 

Except they came back with an empathetic response that wasn’t the typical kind of response I’ve been hearing lately that tends to regale the disheartening state of the world these days.

 

Instead, they shared specifically that they understood. They asked a personal question about my mom, opening a great conversation about aging parents.

 

For several moments, we engaged in a conversation amidst the festivities. The location of connection was deeper than surface, and in that I realized…we are all going through something in some way whether we say it or not. This couple's response opened the door to a more meaningful exchange for all of us.

 

Life requires at times that we perform certain roles, and by perform I don’t mean that we move through those roles without substance. (though we do that too!) I simply mean that we show up, for our roles in life, not always leading with what’s most intense upon our hearts.

 

It was refreshing however, to be able to simply state and hold what is real and true without it turning it a therapy or coaching session or trying to “fix"something. 

 

To listen with love to each other, to hear and take in what everyone is saying without taking on what they are sharing.

 

To value connecting with people as they are, without the masks or projections, while winding our hips to the Buju Banton songs on the playlist.

This is life right now.

 

Holding the light and the shadow.

 

The love and the concern.

 

The grief and the possibility.

 

The celebration and the sadness.

 

Maybe this moment in life is growing our capacities to hold both ends of the pendulum with greater and greater amounts of love and clarity.

 

Maybe it’s teaching us about how to simply be with each other right where we are and find connection within all life’s experiences.

 

Starting with our ability to be with ourselves in compassion—right where we are, whole—and share that with others.

 

Just maybe…