Dear First name / friend,

 

I almost emotionally abused myself the other night—for doing something “weird” 😔

 

It was 9pm on a Thursday night and I found myself, enthralled in deep joy, writing an essay on the law of courage and the subtle way it collapses timelines.

 

(No, this wasn’t work related and it was most definitely outside of my regular working hours—as a solopreneur, being aware of these boundaries has been essential for my mental health).

 

The fact is I found myself genuinely fascinated by a revelation I’ve had recently, regarding a possible equation for my theory on courage:

 

 

But as I continued, fascinated by what felt to me like a revolutionary discovery, a voice in my head began to creep in: “Why are you being weird? Is this what you call “fun” these days? You know, normal people don’t casually sit down at night to bullshit themselves on quantum philosophy, solving for the problem of courage. Quit being weird. This is not normal.”

 

Immediately upon hearing that voice, I diverted my gaze from the words on the screen. Ashamed. Guilty for doing what I was doing. Guilty for being the way I was.

 

Have you ever been in this scenario? You’re just doing you, minding your own business, daring to dive into your personal interests, only for the voice in your head to guilt-trip you because you could “be doing something more important & productive with your life”?

 

That's where I found myself, about to feel the scarring sting of shame lashing at my back.

 

Then something miraculous happened.

artwork by Peter Strain

Before I share the miracle, let me share what would have normally happened in the past (in a timeline I used to exist on):

 

I would immediately agree with that voice and would guilt-trip myself. This would be followed by a deep feeling of inadequacy. From that space, I would then begin to think about what I could do better or how I could be “more productive” with my time. Suddenly, there would be countless things that I would remember that are important to me and that I could be doing. BUT, being in that guilty, inadequate state, I would feel ashamed for not doing those things right now. I would then make myself believe that I was procrastinating yet again when there was absolutely no time to waste for these “silly things.” Usually by this point I would be feeling like 💩. Defeated, uninspired, and anxious all at once. Depending on how long the overthinking lasted, I would then end up doing one of the things that was important (half-assedly, ashamed & uninspired) or end up not doing it at all, drowning in my own self-pity.

 

That was the timeline I was on. That had been my reality for years. Did you notice the self-defeating mindset I was in: the way I considered fun to mean procrastination and non-seriousness—I genuinely had begun to associate fun/joy as a childish thing 🤯😔

 

To consider, at the peak of joy, whether there was something more important that I could be doing with my life… what an overwhelming suggestion! What a self-abusive standard!

 

[Can you see the shame involved here?]

 

But that night, something else happened instead…

 

I didn’t believe the voice immediately. That, in and of itself, can be groundbreaking; the recognition that you don't have to believe everything you think.

 

But I went further:

 

I questioned whether the voice matched my inner truth & values. 

 

I questioned whether it was even my own voice talking to me. 

 

And so I asked myself:
 

Do I believe that voice to be absolutely & undeniably true? That I can be doing something better with my life right now?

 

 

And an electrified answer came through ⚡

 

 

 

 

Did you catch the miracle?

 

Did you notice how I took my power back?

 

Once I confidently confronted the shaming voice with the sincerity of my truth, it didn’t say a word back. And I continued writing my essay, with even purpose than before—and it was even way more fun than before!

 

Friends, I’m writing this out of of solidarity, for anyone out there who is being shamed by a voice in their head that constantly questions their little moments of joy.

 

You may or may have not recognized this yet, but that’s not even your own voice.

 

Dare to challenge it. Dare to stand your ground and recognize for yourself what is truly important for you. Instead of that voice, dare to believe yourself more. If you don't remind yourself of why you do what you do, that voice will win every time.

 

It’s in that daring that you find courage. It’s with that courage that you collapse timelines.

 

In a previous timeline, that voice would’ve won. The essay would have been erased from my computer & memory. The knowledge of self I gained (self-empowerment) would have wilted into continued ignorance of self and powerlessness. My joy would’ve died upon arrival. I would’ve gone to bed, like I've done many times before, defeated and anxious.

artwork by Fuco Ueda

But in this new timeline, I didn’t emotionally abuse myself. 

 

I understood the deeper message of the voice; I was MEANT to challenge it so that I understood my reasons better. What appeared like an obstacle became an opportunity for growth.

 

That’s what a growth mindset does. It turns problems into possibilities. And I don't take for granted holding this mindset today because, oh god, do I know what it's like to not have it!

 

The benefits of my growth mindset from this example were:

 

🌻 it created a positive attitude towards myself and others.

 

🌻 strengthened my intrinsic motivation and effort in pursuing my interests.

 

🌻 enhanced my mental well-being by reducing anxiety, guilt, and self-doubt.

 

🌻 encouraged self-empowerment and self-reliance.

 

🌻 enhanced satisfaction and contentment in life.

artwork by Jamal M. Aziz

So, next time when you recall the equation for courage:

 

 

Remember this: Confidence is the ability to hold on to your truth. Dare to challenge the shamey voice within. Growing up is not about becoming more serious, it’s about becoming more sincere.

 

You can allow yourself to dive deep within, explore, and through this process of self-discovery, watch how your perspective evolves. It’s in this newfound understanding that you can then communicate better, and improve your relationships with yourself and others.

 

Let’s not allow the guilt-tripping voice inside our heads to have the final say. Let’s not let it dictate our joy, our interests, and our growth. Because when this happens, we are merely surviving; instead, we want to thrive.

 

Know this: our time is precious and it’s okay to indulge in activities that may seem less “productive” traditionally. What's important is that they are meaningful and add value to our lives, even if it's just a sense of joy and contentment. Those go a long, long way. Afterall, isn't that why we are living for?

 

Snuggles,

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