First name / Friend,
Last month I had the most impactful interview of my career.
Tricia shared about her journey as a breast cancer survivor, and what it's taught her about life, leadership, and community.
Partway through our conversation, I felt compelled to ask Tricia what guidance she would have for someone supporting a loved one through a difficult time. She responded:
“Show up. Don't overthink it. Be there to listen. Be present. A fellow survivor once told me not to say: ‘let me know if you need anything,’ because it puts the burden on someone already overwhelmed."
Tricia's words were both validating and humbling.
To be honest, as a new mom, it made me think about the limited support I received (at home) after my son was born.
With the exception of a few folks, I didn't have many people show up for me. During the first few months, many sent congratulatory texts or onesies in the mail, but very few dropped off meals, hugged me while I cried, or offered to watch Sam.
But here's the ironic part - in recent years, I haven't always shown up for my friends. While I have good moments, I can be pretty inconsistent.
Since Tricia's interview, I've been dropping my “let me know if you need anything” script, and focusing more on my impact. It's been pretty awesome.
So - what does showing up for others actually look like?
It means texting your friends with dates to hang out and putting something on the calendar (instead of just saying “we should hang out").
It means sticking to 1:1 meetings with your employees during your busiest weeks (instead of rescheduling them).
It means showing up to a funeral or putting a sympathy card in the mail (instead of just sending a “sorry for your loss” text).
It means calling to check-in on a friend and asking them how they're really doing (instead of surface level questions).
. . .
I'll be honest with you. I think the pandemic had a negative impact on the way people “show up” for each other.
Initially, we had a good excuse to sit behind our screens and disengage.
But then what wasn't supposed to be normal became normal. Some people made it their go-to operating mode and stopped trying.
Of course, we are all going to have chapters in our lives where our capacity is not the same, and that is okay.
But I've decided that I want to be an authentic friend who prioritizes her community. And I'm inviting you to do the same.
As we wrap up the month of May, your challenge is this:
Show up for one person this week in a tangible way. Identify a commitment (large or small) and follow through. Then reply to this email to share what you did.
[Psst: please participate if you're able. I'll be keeping a list of everyone's efforts and sharing them with my
LinkedIn community next month.]
Looking for more “showing up” tips? Here are three ideas to consider:
1. Slow your roll
Sometimes we offer to support others when we don't have the capacity to deliver. Before committing to something, pause and ask yourself if it's realistic. And if it's not, think about what you can delegate or say “no” to in order to make room for the “yes.”
2. Keep a “showing up” list
Anytime you think of an idea to support a friend, write it down. Keep your list somewhere visible in your home. [Just recently, I created a post-it note by my desk with a list of five people I still need to send condolence cards to. Better late than never.]
3. Be open about your limitations
If you want to show up for someone but are not in a place (physically, mentally, or emotionally) to do so, let them know. Tell them that you care about them and want to be there for them, but you aren't able to. And that you will re-engage when you're ready.
Remember, when you show up for others, you model integrity, build trust, and make the world a better place. And in doing so, you inspire others to do the same.
May we all be a bit more like Tricia and do better together.
