NO. 36  →  What is an “identity” anyway?

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Hello it's me - from the other side of the screen :)

Hey hey First name / friend :)
Grateful to be landing in your inbox this June Monday!
 
After launching the Identity Evolution workbook last week I had someone reach out to me and ask, "So how do I even start to define what identity even means?”
 
Very fair question, don't you think?
So fair in fact that I’m taking it and stretching in two ways:
  1. In that I’m offering my response here for everyone to explore.
  2. In that I’m creating a mini weekly series dissecting some of the denser parts of the workbook to help you move through it with a little more support. You can expect an update in your inbox for the next 33 after today!
It can be hard to define identity at first because it can feel like a moving target. We are all so many things, and different parts of us come out more in different situations, with different people, on different days, in different seasons... 
 
Additionally, why is it even necessary to define your identity? You are who you are and that's fine, right?
 
The purpose of defining the term “identity”, and further, to understand and define your own, is because it's key to understanding how you operate in your life. Why you make the choices you make. Why you're heading in the direction of certain goals. Why you choose the people, the work, the life experiences you choose every single day. 
 
When you know who you are, on a core level, you know more concretely how to live in a way that makes sense to yourself – avoiding and choosing against the things that bring friction, disappointment, pain, etc. to your life.
 
Example: 
I had a client who during our work together rediscovered that comedy was a key component to her personality, and that she'd be lacking humor (as expressed from herself and pursued outside of herself) for a long time. This might seem small, but the more she worked to integrate the comedic experience into her life, the more she felt like herself. She claimed the necessary pillar of comedy for her identity, and joy and ease rippled out from that key quality.

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My printed copy of the Identity Evolution workbook with a few of my hand painted flower prints in the car

So what is an identity?

What does identity even mean?
Identity is a big word. And when I say big I mean that it holds a lot of definitions, contexts, and ideas within it’s 8 letters.
 
Many people might read the word identity and think that it has to do with an appearance, or a person’s roles, or defining personality traits – all which are factors to be sure.
 
The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines identity as:
  1. The distinguishing character or personality of an individual
  2. Sameness of essential or generic character in different instances
  3. An equation that is satisfied for all values of the symbols
This universal definition of the word comes from the understanding of sameness.
  • What do these dictionary definitions describe to you about the meaning of the word identity? 
  • If you were describing the definition to someone else, what would you say?
What is consistent about you?
To explore how this definition applies to you, you might start to consider what is consistent about you – from your roles to your personality to maybe even your appearance (personally, as someone who has always been known for her hair, I definitely consider my hair a part of my identity).
  • What is the same about you most of the time?
  • What are the consistent aspects of you that have remained the same for a long time?
Who are you without other people's perceptions?
As you start to list these things about yourself, you might find that your identity changes depending on who's looking at you. You might be “mom” to one person and “sister” to another and “friend” to someone else.
 
When we’re talking about you exploring your identity, what matters is what you see from your vantage point.
  • If you were to drop all of the roles and relational delineations of yourself, who would you be?

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Who are you now?
Additionally, we’re not talking about who you were in the past - we’re talking about who you are now. Your identity is something that evolves – who you were “back-then” and who you are now are likely very different people.
  • When you think of past versions of yourself, how would you describe them? I have a helpful worksheet for moving through this question thoroughly if you'd like more support.
  • What are the main components of what makes you you now - as similar and different to those past versions of you?
Who are you becoming?
So now that you’ve clarified what identity means to you, how you understand your identity in this present moment, and you've defined your identity for yourself – now's the perfect time to jump into the workbook.
 
If we’re talking about identity evolution, we’re talking about expanding your sense of self and choosing the identity you’re stepping into.
 
Because the thing is, identity is created by choice – you have the ability to choose who you want to be, and how you define yourself makes all the difference.
 
For those of you who were maybe hesitating to jump into the workbook (even if you already have it printed!) I hope this was the push you needed to dive in :)
 
The sooner you get clear on who you are and who you're becoming, the sooner you can embrace your life and path with assurance and clarity.
 
See you again next week for another dive into the world of evolving your identity!
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