The first thing I did was check out a massage school program because I love massage…only to quickly realize on the tour I actaully love getting massages and didn't want to give them 😂😂….well that came full circle itself in it's own way ha!
Anxiety became a dear friend that let me know
I'M TOO OPEN. I'M A SPONGE. I NEED BOUNDARIES.
No wonder I could feel everything and everyone's stuff. Anxiety actually initially was saying to me that I can't live my life how I have been--playing neutral to not rock the boat, staying silent, putting everyone else first, having no needs. Instead of being my truest self, I was using all my energy to show up in certain situations (not all) to be who I thought the world wanted me to be.
Talk about being colonized. I mean, yes, this was so very unrealized/unconsciously taught behavior…that I seeped in. There was also a specific ancestral piece here for me.
Anxiety was deeply uncomfortable, yet the awakener I needed.
It was big energy in body with no where to go.
This energy is connected to Uranus--lightening striking and light bulb moments. Uranus was like wake the fuck up. It did its job--and ALSO through all of this there were many choices I made throughout the rest of my 20's to support my healing. To sit with anxiety and all parts of myself. To face and engage BECAUSE I knew in my bones healing was possible.
I WANTED to befriend my whole self.
Claim me back.
Open me to ME.
Fiercely take a stand in love.
With the love of another brilliant holistic therapist I chose specifically to help me through this time, Andrea, the lights within got turned back on. The wide open sponginess of my energy field rebalanced and squeezed out. My voice, my boundaries, and my self love rooted and started taking a stand.
Although I sometimes wonder who I would be if I completed grad school and became a therapist, I just as quickly am grateful for the cosmic 2x4 that fast tracked me on this wild, FREEING healing journey.
I can't even begin to tell you the ancestral work I've done…for real though.
And….after 15 years of the birth of Soulfully Nourishing, I continue to grow and learn SO much. I also feel like I've graduated to an even more masterful level of healer and space holder in the best of ways.
My next evolution is Death Priestessing--something with so many facets and winding roads that I'm just discovering my own path…that was also a past life path…that's also connected to my Irish ancestry path.
And, ultimately my hearts recognizes it's the most honoring path I can embody. My heart recognizes the Soul training I've done.