In the theatre, it is the job of the actor to build the world behind the word, to give each line the life it deserves.
We, too, have to be insatiable in our curiosity, with ourselves and the people we love.
What could that possibly mean?
What is the backstory to that statement, that belief, that world view?
What are you telling me about what it is like to be you, without literally telling me?
It is what we do as providers in our sessions.
And, it is what we do as parents, every single day, but especially when our kids are struggling.
We try to take the monosyllabic “fine” response to “How was school today?” and read into the nuance in their tone, the subtle shifts in their face, the way they pick their nail beds and look out the window as they say it.
We feel their tears coming on,
even before they do,
and our hearts ache in an involuntary response.
We sit in silence with them, wondering, sometimes impatiently, what is going on in their brains.
And while we can’t read their minds, we can listen.
Really listen.
Not just with our ears for the words they are saying, but for the world behind the words.
We can listen with our eyes to see their body language.
We can listen with our nervous system to see how it has landed for us, and use that to explore what might be happening for them.
We can listen with our own hearts, the hearts that have felt that same heartbreak at not making the team or getting dumped for the first time.
This listening is the gateway to our empathy, which is our portal into their world. It also primes you to be ready to validate, the first step in EFFT Emotion Coaching.
And, in doing this, in showing up in this way,
we can help them feel seen and heard
and, in turn,
help them feel less alone in their struggles.