“What doesn’t destroy you, makes you see through a prism,” says Ann-Marie MacDonald when talking about her queer female experience.

 

It’s Pride month, I just celebrated my 18-year coming out anniversary, and Stacy and I have been attending The Queer Female Voice and In Conversation with Tegan and Sara Quin this weekend at the Stratford Festival.

 

”Run towards danger,” adds Catherine Hernandez.

 

“In the lesbian experience, you’re not even running towards danger, you’re already in it,” they continued.

 

And I remembered how coming out felt like jumping off a cliff. All those years ago, I had no idea if I would crash or fly. I was terrified of the danger I was already in.

 

I remembered the faith it took to jump back then. So young and full of life. How I danced my way through the fear, cut my hair, walked hours a day, joined community, and confidently opened myself to the world.

 

And I think of the faith it is taking to jump again now. All those years later, I am jumping towards what my soul is asking: to write with courage, teach with joy, and lead with grace. 

 

I remember all the work I’ve done over the years to open my heart after closing it shut to protect myself from danger. Even with my recent breakthroughs and renewed hope, I’m terrified of crashing.

 

 

She’s talking about the shattering of identity that every queer person faces. How the world will cut through and tell you you’re different and that different is wrong. How it takes so much strength to come out over and over again. And, now, to fight over and over again. Simply for the dignity of survival.

 

But what I think she’s also saying, is that it’s in the very alchemical process of becoming yourself, that you discover the true prismatic beauty of difference and the importance of belonging. 

 

 

And what is truly magical, when you aren’t destroyed and end up seeing through life as a prism, is that compassion and empathy grow in this space of refraction. What is it Leonard Cohen said? “There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.”

 

How easy it is to close the heart and try to seal up the cracks when faced with so much struggle. Open the news on any given day and we witness our brokenness more and more. But I’ve discovered how vital it is to continue to keep choosing love over and over again like your life depends on it. Because it does. 

 

 

And every time you do, maybe, just maybe, you open up a crack of light and belonging to someone else afraid of crashing when they all they really want is to fly in the rainbow filled sky.

 

I’m queer and you may not be, but what I think we have in common is the prismatic light of it all after the struggle. I think we both desire to simply and safely be ourselves in the world. 

 

 

As a queer person, one of my super powers is the ability to hold a space that honours the mess of it all, celebrates intersectional differences, and invites everyone in so that we can share in the power of connection.

Tell me, what is one moment in your life when you flew when your were afraid to fall? Hit reply and share how it felt to fly!

 

There’s lots more to come! I‘ve been quietly working behind the scenes and am remerging with new energy, inspiration, and passion for this work. It’s been healing and life giving. I have so much to share in the coming weeks!

 

Oh, and I started a new Instagram account to hold this energy. I like to think of each post (and each letter l send to you) as an offering on an altar. I simply want to bring as much beauty to this broken world as I possibly can. 

 

I’d love to connect with you! Click to follow @pilgrimagetohere