Dear First name / Friend,
Have you ever found yourself not coping in a work crisis, feeling so stressed that you’re questioning whether or not you are good enough at your job?
That’s exactly where my client was when she came to session this week. She’s a senior leader in her organisation, in conflict with another colleague, also in a leadership role. The colleague has been saying things my client described as manipulative and undermining. She’s been feeling a lot of stress.
She’s questioning herself, wondering if she’s failing, and fighting the overwhelming sense that she’s not coping.
In our session, we looked at what was really going on beneath the surface. The thought she kept returning to was: “This shouldn’t be happening.”
That single sentence - on repeat in her mind - was creating a powerful emotional reaction.
Perhaps you’ve noticed this too First name / my friend?
It was pushing her into resistance. She wasn’t just feeling stress or fear; she was also layering on self-judgment, blame, pressure, and disappointment.
When we separated out the facts of the situation from her thoughts about them, she started to see more clearly. There is a difficult dynamic at play. But the part that was creating so much suffering was the belief that it shouldn’t be happening at all.
We don’t get to control what other people say or do. (even though we WISH we could!)
But we can take back our agency by noticing the thoughts that make everything feel so much worse, and deliberately choosing new thoughts that feel better, and true to us.
Once she could name the thought, and see it as just a sentence her brain was offering, she softened.
The fight inside her started to settle.
As it will for you too.
And that’s where things can start to change. Not by pretending everything’s fine. Not by forcing a positive mindset. But by telling the truth about how we feel, noticing the thoughts behind the feelings, and choosing how we want to respond.
That’s what change makes possible.
