As I sat on my balcony wondering where to start, I landed here… |
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Trauma disrupts wholeness, especially the wholeness of the self. Every single person was born whole, having everything they needed to be themselves in this world, including you. I think most recently, this is when the collective started saying, I want to be my “authentic self”. What I hear that as is, “I want to be whole.” Family, community and institutional dynamics cause fragments in everyone and this is especially true for Black women and girls. Some major and some minor but nevertheless, fragments. Some chronic and some a single incident, but still a loss of self. And for too many people, there was never an opportunity to know the self before it got disrupted. And for others, it may be getting to know yourself again and again and again. While the fragments may have come from interactions with family, community and institutions, they are also the very same relationship dynamics through which we learn about ourselves. In healing, there is a return back to you, your wholeness and your essence. |
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I honor what has been. I am here. I look forward to what will be. As I journey through this life, may I remember to bring myself with me. It feels good to be at the center of my life, even if it’s for the first time. I have the right to be consoled and comforted. What I know is within me and that’s enough. I get to define enough. |
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If these affirmations resonate, you may appreciate Homecoming by Dr. Thema Bryant. I love Dr. Thema’s work! I got to meet her in person when she was talking about this book and she was just a lovely person. If you read it or have already read it, let me know what you think! |
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I got to facilitate a workshop on relational grief in Dallas for a group of Black women at a conference. I was really happy to be having a public conversation about such a hard topic! We started with some deep breaths and here are some of the points that stuck with me from our conversation: - We experience relational grief because of a relationship where love was experienced. And that includes pets, friendships and even relationships we desired but could never have, like sometimes the relationships with (living) parents.
- The loss of a loved one can bring up anger and this emotion is hard for people to normalize in their process. Some of the anger can be from: seeing a parent move on with another partner, not having the opportunity to learn family history, finding out family secrets or the unfairness about how a loved one died (sudden, early, tragic etc.). Anger is a part of grief, no better or worse than any other emotion. It just tells you that something you’ve experienced about your loss is unfair.
- Grief expression oftentimes shows up when it’s least expected - after the funeral, in silence, while driving, days, months or even years after.
- Supporting others through their grief can be hard. Watching someone who seemingly “had it together” struggle with decision making can be tough to watch. Remember, in grief we cannot fix others or their situation but we can support.
Where I’ll be: I don’t have any upcoming events or workshops for the season. In the summer, I like to go out and play. If you are in the DMV and see me out and about, say heyyyy! If you know of any conferences or events you think I would be great for, send my way! If you thought of someone else who could benefit from this, share it with them. If you’d like to join the newsletter, you can do so here. |
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Ford Ave
Alexandria , Virginia 22302, United States |
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