First name / Friend,
Have you heard of the arrival fallacy?
It usually happens when you have a mindset mirroring the following formula:
“Once I [enter a desired accomplishment], then I'll be [insert emotion or state of being].”
Here are a few examples:
“Once I make [insert amount of money], then I'll be satisfied.”
“Once I weigh [insert number of pounds], then I'll be worthy."
“Once I am in a serious relationship, then I'll be happy.”
In other words, the arrival fallacy is the mistaken belief that achieving a goal will bring lasting happiness or fulfillment.
This concept was first introduced by Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar, a positive psychology expert and Harvard lecturer who found that sustainable well-being isn't about hitting the goal — it's about pursuing something meaningful and building habits that fuel us along the way.
Recently, the arrival fallacy gained attention during an interview with Scottie Scheffler, after he won the British Open on Sunday.
[For those of you who do not follow golf: Scottie is 29 years old and is considered the best golfer in the world right now. As of this week, he's won 22 professional tournaments, which is insane.]
In his post-tournament interview, Scottie shares: "this is not a fulfilling life." He later says: “If I win, it's going to be awesome for about two minutes."
Scottie has achieved something so many people dream of. Yet, at the end of the day, winning tournaments doesn't cut it for him.
So why is this important?
Scottie is living proof of the arrival fallacy. If you cling onto it, you are less likely to enjoy the present moment, and more likely to feel a sense of constant dissatisfaction.
In addition, research shows that you may struggle with negative-self perception, a loss of motivation, and even have strained relationships (Linder, Psychology Today).
. . .
If you're reading this message and feeling uncomfortable or resistant to it, please know you're in good company.
It's common to gravitate toward constant goal-achievement when we live in a culture that rewards it, or grew up in environments where it was how we received love or approval from others.
To be clear, I'm not asking you to abandon your ambition or desire to achieve big things in your life (if I was, I wouldn't be a good coach).
But I am challenging you to think about where the arrival fallacy might be getting in the way of your happiness.
In what scenarios are you hustling toward the next milestone, and feeling a lack of satisfaction or joy?
And how might you embrace your ambition without tying your worth to the finish line?
If you're ready to reflect, here are my two favorite methods:
1 - Strive for authentic achievement (fueled by a motivating “why”)
A year ago, I wrote about the concept of authentic achievement. I define it as success that reflects your values, is driven by intrinsic motivation, and aligned with meaningful purpose.
Unlike traditional achievement – fueled by perfectionism and external validation – authentic achievement generates lasting fulfillment and starts with the belief that you’re already enough.
If you're considering a goal, reflect on how you can align that goal with your core values and a genuine “why."
For instance, if you want to get in shape, maybe your “why” is to gain muscle and reduce health risks so you can maintain an active lifestyle with your family later in life.
2 - Fall in love with the process (and celebrate along the way)
Years ago, I summited a big mountain in Colorado (Mt. Sopris) with my friend Liz. It was a really challenging hike and an achievement I still feel proud of.
But when I reflect on the day, I rarely think about that moment we reached the 13,000 foot summit. I remember the life-changing conversations Liz and I had during the 14 miles, and when my (former) dog, Lucy, rolled down snow patches and jumped into the lake.
Thinking back to your goals, consider brainstorming what it could look like for you to enjoy the process a bit more. And when you achieve a milestone, pause to celebrate. You will be more likely to achieve your goals if you embrace the small, incremental wins.
. . .
When was the last time you felt truly proud of something you achieved – not because other people noticed, but because it felt really meaningful to you? I'd love to hear the story.
