Getting a head start without rushing the goodbye
Dear friend,
Let’s talk about one of the hardest early steps - making the call to a funeral director.
You might feel like it’s premature. Maybe your person is still alive, and you're thinking, surely I don’t need to do this yet. And honestly? It’s a very normal response.
But here’s the truth: engaging a funeral director early makes things far easier later. You don’t need to lock in every detail. You’re not signing your person’s life away. You’re just opening a line of communication, asking a few questions, and lightening the mental load for Future You. At times like this, your brain is not working at its normal capacity and you need more time to process, to think and to make decisions. And there are a lot of decisions to make.
What does “engaging a funeral director” even mean?
It simply means reaching out, asking questions, starting the conversation, seeing who feels like the right fit. You’re not making a commitment. You’re just preparing.
This can be a quick call, an email, or even just researching who operates in your area.
Why sooner is better (if you can manage it):
- It gives you time to find the right person, not just the first one available
- You can start making gentler decisions, instead of racing through them in crisis
- You’ll know what’s needed when the time comes, no surprises
- You’ll feel less alone, because someone is already in your corner
Red flags to watch for when making initial contact:
- Feeling rushed or pressured
- Being told, “That’s just how it’s done” without explanation
- Being pushed into signing paperwork straight away
(Unless there’s a specific cultural, legal, or religious reason, this shouldn’t be urgent)
You are allowed to say, “Thank you, I just want to understand the process for now.”
A good funeral director will respect that.
You don’t need to have all the answers. You just need to start asking a few of the right questions.
I’ve created a simple checklist to help with this early stage. Click below to download it.
Next time, we’ll talk through the actual decisions you may need to make and how to avoid decision fatigue. If you would like to skip ahead to the next email, or revisit old ones, you can access them all
here.
You’re doing beautifully.
