Let’s take the pressure off the decision-making
Dear friend,
Once you’ve made contact with a funeral director, the next question is usually, So… what kind of funeral are we planning?
Which can feel like an impossible thing to answer.
The truth is, you don’t need to know everything straight away. But there are a few key decisions that will help guide the rest of the process.
Let’s walk through them together.
First: What type of service are you having?
There is no right or wrong here. What matters most is that the funeral or memorial feels right for you and your people.
Some options include:
- A traditional funeral with a coffin present
- A memorial service after cremation or burial, with no coffin present
- A celebration of life with storytelling, music, or shared memories
- A private farewell followed by a larger gathering later
You can have a service at a chapel, community hall, restaurant, surf club, or even your own backyard. It does not have to be held at a funeral home or in a place of worship.
NOTE: There are no legal restrictions on having a coffin in venues like restaurants or function spaces. It is sealed and poses no health risk. It does come down to the management's discretion. Your funeral director can help with this.
Next: Burial, cremation, or aquamation?
If your person has expressed a preference, you might already know. If not, here’s a quick overview:
- Burial: Can be in a standard cemetery or natural burial ground. You may need to select and pay for a plot.
- Cremation: The most common option in Australia. You can choose to keep, scatter, or intern the ashes.
- Aquamation: A newer, more eco-conscious option involving water rather than fire. Availability depends on your location, but it is growing across Australia.
Ask your funeral director to walk you through what is available in your region.
No Service, No Attendance Cremation
An option that is becoming increasingly more common is a No Service No attendance Cremation, otherwise called a Direct Cremation. This is when the person is taken directly to the crematorium and as the name suggests, there is no service or no family and friends in attendance.
This is becoming much more common as it is a more cost effective option, and with the rising costs of living, it is also becoming a necessity for many people.
There are also some fairly persuasive advertising campaigns out at the moment where companies are directing people away from a funeral, depicting them as old fashioned and unnecessary.
Just remember a funeral can be anything you would like it to be. If a No Service No Attendance cremation suits your circumstances, I encourage you to still consider how you might honour your person and care for your own grief. Lighting a candle, gathering to share stories, playing their favourite song. These small acts can hold enormous meaning. Creating space to acknowledge a life and a death isn’t just about saying goodbye. It’s about supporting those left behind, offering comfort, and starting the slow work of healing. It really does matter.
Coffins and caskets
Yes, there are choices here too, from traditional timber to decorated cardboard or eco-friendly woven options.
You can:
- Choose from the funeral director’s range or ask them to source the type you want
- Order a coffin yourself from an independent supplier
- Decorate a cardboard coffin with drawings, messages, or photos
None of these decisions reflect how much you loved your person. It is about what feels meaningful and appropriate for your situation.
Shrouds
Shrouding is a centuries-old tradition where a body is gently wrapped in fabric before burial or cremation. While it has long been practised in many cultures around the world, it has only recently become a legal option in New South Wales following changes to legislation. However, as the change is so new, at this stage availability is subject to the policies and procedures of each crematorium.
Other details to start thinking about:
- Who will speak or read at the service?
- What music feels right?
- What flowers, if any, feel meaningful?
- Do you want an order of service? (This can be a booklet, bookmark, or even a postcard)
Take your time. Ask questions. You are allowed to change your mind.
Next time, we’ll talk about boundaries. About the emotional noise that often shows up. About the helpers who mean well but ask too much. And how to protect your energy while you navigate this tender time. If you would like to skip ahead to the next email, or revisit old ones, you can access them all
here.
You’re doing beautifully. You really are.
