If you know me IRL, you know I used to struggle heavy with balancing many friendships & commitments. Giving so much to everyone and going to everything. ANYWAYS, I’m alive here and now to tell you how I started protecting my energy around people more:

 

VISUALIZATION: Imagine your energy as a tall glass of water when you start your day. As you work, talk to people, do your little workouts and walks…a little bit of water pours out each time. And sometimes, our energy goes to the wrong places and wrong people. Do you ever feel completely drained at the end of the day? Say this: I pay attention to where I am investing your energy, and where I am not investing enough

 

BODY TO MIND – STOMACH & SHOULDERS: For the next time you talk to someone you think might be bad vibes! Bring awareness to your stomach and shoulders. Is your stomach tight? Tense? That’s where our body’s fascia holds our fight/flight response. When it’s tight, you are probably on guard and super aware of the words coming out of your mouth. If your lower belly is soft and your shoulders are dropped/relaxed, your body feels safe. Our body is a fab barometer for judging people <3

 

FRIENDSHIP MUST HAVES: My 22yr old cousin was over and she was like “wtf is wrong with you?” when I told her about my friendship breakups. Like at work, sometimes there’s a “Ways of Working”. And we need to have firm boundaries and expectations of what we want from a friendship. Also, what we will not tolerate when it makes us feel hurt. I asked the 22yr olds who their best friend was and they said “Oh, you mean the person I’ve been friends with the longest?” No. All 3 of my friendship breakups this year was 7+ years in duration. 

 

It’s nice to have firm boundaries and expectations of what we want from a friendship. Also, understanding what we will not tolerate. That comes with time. 

 

I asked my 22-year old cousin who her best friend was & she said “Oh, you mean the person I’ve been friends with the longest?”

No. All 3 of my friendship breakups this year were 7+ years in duration. 

 

I broke up with Friend A (7 years) because I finally came to the light and realized she is selfish and has no respect for other people’s time. My firm expectation moving forward is people not changing plans on me, maxing it at 2 times not 4+ times. And I will never again send screenshots of the calendar date/time because they don’t have enough respect/brain cells to “remember” the date. I put up with it in my early 20’s… but 29 year old me sent a breakup text detailing the above <3. Be friends with people who respect your time

 

Friend B (7 years) broke up with me because I forgot to send her a birthday text for the 2nd year in a row. This taught me that other people’s firm expectation is a “Happy Birthday!” text, fuck everything else. All good, clean breakup & no hard feelings. Sending her alllll the love!

Friend C (10 years) taught me the most. Friend C sent me a text “Hey, can I call you?” and my text back was “Sure, are you disinviting me from your bachelorette trip?”  She told me she didn’t feel like I supported her enough in her engagement; so I sent her a 6 minute voice message back. (She saved it, never responded). Let's go back: I went through something traumatic last year, that coincided with the timing of her engagement. I forced myself to go to the dinners & sent texts, during a phase of my life where I was dealing with stages of grief. She basically scolded me for not talking to her about this traumatic event:  “I feel like I’m walking on eggshells around you. When I try to get you to talk about the traumatic event, you snap”.  In my voice message, I touched on how over the course of our friendship, she always made comments such as “you’re a hot mess” “you can never seem to get it together” in a lighthearted joking manner. After much reflection,  I realized I never felt safe enough to truly talk to her. Negativity can be coded in insecurity and jealousy, not always directly towards you - but a reflection of their own demons. 

With this, I learned the importance of emotional safety in friendship. And how fucking important and human it is to meet your friends where they are.