The friendship struggle is REAL 🤯

Struggles with friendships?

Hi First name / my love, 
 
How are you? 
 
Take a little time now to land with ‘you’…. take a deep breath, check in and then read on for some amazing insights into friendships, and how your relationship with you within friendships makes ALL the difference.
 
In my latest podcast episode I talk about the struggle with friendships… does this resonate for you my love? It sure did for me.
 
In the last year, my friendships have changed immensely. I no longer fear being rejected or abandoned, I am open to healthy conversations/conflict and very much lean in. I don't fear who I am based on their behavior, and as a result, connection and community for me personally is flourishing.
 
This also means creating a community of self love warriors makes me feel ALIVE. 
 
Friendships provide us with community, social interaction… and can be hard af to maintain, especially if you don't have a solid relationship with YOU. 
 
Ever felt left out, ignored, rejected by your message being missed in a WhatsApp group? Do you then sit, overthinking about what is it YOU have done to make that happen? Or ended the friendship without even questioning purely based on one interaction? 
 
This is one example of how insecure attachment in friendship can show up for you. 
 
As a side note- you may be being left out purposefully which is NOT ok… but building a more secure attachment style will allow you to not blame yourself, face into it, ask the tough questions and decide that that is not OK for you and off you will toodle into a peaceful and happier life. 
 
Anyways, back to insecure attachments and relationship to self as a factor in friendships…
 
Attachment styles- like they do in family and intimate relationships- provide a foundation for how friendships and trust are built and they influence how we form and maintain them. 
 
Secure Attachment:
People with a secure attachment style generally assume others are trustworthy and capable of love. They are resilient, can regulate their emotions, and tend to form healthy, stable friendships. You can also discern when you are not being treated well, and can have healthy conflict and create endings in a way that doesn't affect your sense of self. 
 
Anxious Attachment:
This can lead to friendship anxiety, where you might worry if friends are upset with you, feel anxious about their responses to texts, or fear being left out. You are likely to people please, be agreeable against your own desires and values and will avoid conflict, trying to fix issues or be who you think friends need you to be. 
 
The impact of this will be overthinking scenarios, anxious thoughts and feelings but not feeling able to speak up. 
 
Avoidant Attachment:
Individuals with this style may appear distant or prefer surface-level connections, as they avoid deep emotional sharing. They might retreat to process their own feelings or need a lot of personal space after socializing (this can also be a sign of introversion and neurodiversity too). You may also find yourself leaving friendships the second it feels like you're being left out (even if you aren't) and again may avoid conflict by distancing or exiting. 
 
The impact of this might be isolation and loneliness, feeling disconnected and unable to ask for your needs to be met.
 
Disorganized Attachment:
This style can make it difficult to be vulnerable or trust others, leading to struggles in forming and maintaining long-term, mutually satisfying friendships. 
 
Which one feels most like you First name / my love? 
 
I guess you'd like the answer on how to change; I wish it was a quick and easy fix… 
 
Like everything, the approach is pretty simple… (not easy though, so give yourself grace if you aren't ready)..
 
Self connection- turning the gaze inwards and ‘seeing’ yourself 
Self awareness- being curious to what attachment plays out for you and why 
Self transformation- witnessing the wounded inner child and shadow, helping them to heal and be seen and to start to change the protective parts- the fears that create a lack of self trust, a lack of trust in relationships and an attachment styles that makes control the connection rather than be in it. 
 
I want to help with all of the above.. and you can experience the first 2 parts for free via this email and my podcast (see journal prompts below) for transformation, you can you can join my new community that launches at the end of September or find out more and contact me about 1:1 sessions here. 
 
Journal prompts 
 
Find some time to pause; to turn inwards and bring your own gaze to you. 
 
Ask yourself:
 
Which attachment style do I most align to in friendships? 
How is that impacting me? (get super honest- are you overthinking scenarios? Do you sometimes feel isolated and lonely?)
How might I reassure myself so that I can be more open with friends about my insecurities or my truth on what it is I need or maybe want to do? (i.e this could be asking why there's been a gap in communication, saying you'd like to try somewhere different to meet or reaching out when you need connection)
How might I work on that this week? (set yourself little tasks to help)
 
Let your journaling check in today guide you back to softer space within…… and let yourself be seen by you…

If you would like some more self help, you can listen to my podcast here…
 
If you would anything reonated for you and you are curious about working with me 1:1, reply to this email and let's start an informal conversation about how I can help you or click here to find out more. 
 
Please remember this First name / my love ; you are already enough… so don't forget to go show yourself some love today.

Elaine x

Elaine Denton

Prof. Psych. Dip MNCPS (Acc.)

 
Disclaimer: Any meditations or guidance in these emails are not a substitute for therapy; if you have a diagnosed mental or emotional condition, please check with your medical team on the suitability of self connecting practices. These practices are an invitation to explore your inner landscape of thoughts and emotions. Should you have any questions about these practices, please don't hesitate to email me. 
 