Nope, you weren’t accidentally unsubscribed from this list, as many of you reached out to check.

 

This newsletter, here’s something, has just been a lot more like “here’s nothing” this year, with one, count them, one send in May. 

 

When I started here’s something I made the decision to start prioritizing this mode of communication (read: email content over instagram posts). I’ve watched writing friends lose everything they built on instagram, all of their writing and all of their online connections there, and so, I decided to shift to a newsletter as my primary mode of communication. But here’s the thing (or should I say, here’s something), when writing deadlines for my book popped up, it was the first thing I let go of. Though I continued to show up on instagram, I ceased writing newsletters. Well, I shouldn’t say that, exactly… I wrote rough drafts and just never polished, completed, and sent them.

 

Long form writing and “deep work” are what I would tell you I value. And although writing a book certainly qualifies as deep work, when it came to non-contractual obligations, I chose the shorter, easier production every time. Well, except for May, which is the only month I sent a newsletter, and also (not) coincidentally, a month I took off of social media this year.

 

So I’ve made an agreement with myself, and am letting you in on it so that there’s some measure of accountability, that I will not be logging into instagram at the beginning of each month until I send a newsletter. This was my first month making this commitment. And here we are, on October 23rd, sending a newsletter… and truthfully, I’m not sure that means I’ll be logging on to instagram anyway… because truthfully, I cannot afford to at this moment.

 

This micro example has raised a broader life question for me as I write about parenting and christian living in a public facing way.

 

Does my orthodoxy match my orthopraxy? Is what I do consistent with what I say that I believe? Are my actions consistent with what I say that I value—with what I worship?

 

Before my kids get in the shower or tub each night, I’ll remind them, “first things first.” This is my refrain for “hey, do you shampoo and wash your body before you start playing so that when I walk in here to tell you that it’s time to get out, you won't tell me that you need more time as you frantically start doing the things you were supposed to be getting in here to do.”

 

But, lately, I feel like the Lord has been placing the same question in front of me in regards to the way I spend my time, and beyond that, my words, my money, my energy, my thoughts.

 

An older woman in my life recently told me that she when she was in my season of life, she started using beans to measure the sorts of things she said to her young kids. She used two jars: life giving phrases and corrective/ critical ones. “I realized as a watched the beans pile up, that I thought I was someone that I actually wasn’t.” These words are ringing in my ears. Am I who I say that I am?

 

Tomorrow I’ll head out of town to teach three sessions at a women’s retreat and then the line-by-line edits for my book are all due Monday, with another children’s book deadline Tuesday. The occasion of lots of “deadlines” piling up has me asking if I’m really putting the first things first in this season. Is it still true that what I do professionally is making me a better mom? Or are my relationships with my kids on the alter of my career? This is a question that is leading me to say yes to taking them to the state fair this week like we planned even when those book edits and illustrations sketches popped up in my inbox. This is the question that led me to be late to bible study last week because we weren’t leaving before we finished math. This is the question that led me to say yes to a board game with my oldest last night when he asked instead of sneaking off with my laptop. Are the first things frist?

 

So that’s the something I’m putting before you in this monthly turned bi annual email: 

What would you say are your first things? 

And are they actually first?

 

Matthew 6:33

 

 

 

with humble gratitude,

Speaking of first things first, you should know that I became essentially worthless to my family (this is only sort of hyperbolic) at one point a few months ago when I became utterly absorbed in a fictional series. Before I preface this recommendation, let me issue a word of caution: please, read responsibly. Don't do what I did and consume it like a gallon carton of ice cream in one sitting. Pace yourself.

 

 Now that that's out of the way, run, don't walk, to get The Unselected Journals of Emma Lion. The books in the series are written as volumes of a young girl in Britain at the turn of the century. There are eight volumes out now (all on Kindle Unlimited) and the ninth releases in December. The author says there will be 20 total, that she knows how it ends, and that she's hidden Easter eggs all along the way that will enable the reader to look back and say “of course!” I'm incredibly grateful for this certainty because I'm still dealing with the trauma induced by watching Lost in high school, when the series ended with approximately 1,000 loose ends. The books are loaded with exciting scenes, witty banter, poetry, and interactions that cause you to treasure the people around you and reflect on your own life. 

 

The volumes that are currently out are slowly being released as audiobooks so if that's your prefered method of literary consumption, you might stand the chance of actually being productive while enjoying this story.

 

I am forcing the people closest to me to read it so we can talk about it. I've also asked them to hold me accountable to not reading at stoplights when the next book comes out in December. First things first, after all.

 

One of my children has a terrible relationship with the fracturing of snacks. You know, when the banana cracks in half on the first bite or when the granola bar crumbles when you open the wrapper instead of remaining intact. I finally abandoned the strategy of “it would've all been broken up by your teeth in a few seconds anyway” and moved to using this refrain. We would say it together before opening the banana or the granola bar. Then, his brothers started saying it to him. And now, he's saying it out loud to himself. Tbh I've said it aloud to myself a few times anyway. It's not easy to feel out of control, but remembering God's control can help us to have self-control and not be controlled by our emotions. 

 

Spoiler alert: this is the premise of my next children's picture book (which I can't wait to tell you more about soon!).

A few months ago, Maryanne Challies Helms talked about a phrase she uses to protect herself and the people she is talking with from gossiping. "Those who are not present here are protected here." I've started saying it aloud in place of whatever I was going to say about someone and it has been a powerful collection of words in my life. I hope it will serve you as well. 

A few months ago, I randomly remembered a story from my childhood and decided I wanted to re-read it, so I ordered The Treasure Tree. It's a precious little book about how different personality types can all be valuable when you work as a team towards a common goal. It's a great picture of both the family and the body of Christ. My boys loved this read-aloud as much as I did as a kid, and it led to some sweet conversations. 

It's offiial. I'm hosting an event in Savannah, GA on Friday May 15th called Mom's Night Out. The tagline? Laugh a Lot and Leave Encouraged. It will be a variety show of sorts (think improv, spoken word, live music, audience participation, and a Q&A with some of my dear friends in the Christian Publishing world. More information will come soon with official graphics and all the things, but since moms need all kinds of notice to make stuff like this happen, I wanted to let you know ASAP. So, go ahead and mark your calendars and see if you've got some girlfriends who might wanna get an Airbnb and make a weekend out of it. I can't wait to (hopefully) see you there.

 

Confession: this feels very “big girl” and a little bit scary to rent out a venue with a seating capacity for a few hundred. But hey, it sounded fun to me… and wise people in my life said “go for it.” So… we're going for it. And I hope you'll come for it! 

R. I am utterly delighted to report that the way that my sisters and I used to get into giggle fits over the most unfunny things simply because of that sibling giggle thing where everything is suddenly funny has started happening with my kids. I was playing a board game the other night with my older two (playing board games is the most powerful weapon in my mom relational arsenal currently) and … well, I just typed out the entire story and deleted it when I realized you really had to have been there. But the point is, well, I guess that is the point. The words “rooting around on the floor and making mouth noises” are now an official inside joke for us that will send all of us into a crying laughing giggle fit. This stage is a a treasure. I feel like I've been getting to know them their whole lives, but now they're getting to know me. I like that they're getting to know me as a person who likes to be silly. 

 

R. I'm not sure if this question is in regards to homeschooling or not, but one of my main goals for my kids is one that I have for myself: to be a lifelong learner. I think the most important piece of this is fostering curiousity and a sense of wonder. I heard a friend describe God's word today as a book filled with unending gifts for us to unwrap. Creation feels like that to me too. I let lots of their learning be driven by curiosity ("I don't know, let's go to the library and find out."). I also try to attend to what they're showing me and ask them questions about it (lizards, frogs, plants, etc.). The actual school part isn't always fun… sometimes you just have to get it done. But a love of learning is separate from that for me. I try to model curiousity, awe, and wonder and join them in theirs.

 

R. To use the language of the question, I would say, focus more on “discipling” than “dealing." Instead of assuming the immediate position of judge to take sides and dole out consequences ("Who had it first?!)", use sibling conflict as an opportunity to moderate, helping your kids develop interpersonal skills like paying attention to what the other person is feeling, listening, expressing their desires clearly and calmly, and using apology language to repair a broken relationship. I like to ask questions like:

“Is there anything you can own here?" 

“Have you used calm kind words to tell him what you want?”

“What would it look like to treat your brother the way you want to be treated?”

“Look at his eyes/ face. Can you tell me what he is feeling?”

“What do you think could have prevented this from escalating to this point?”

“What's more important, people or things?”

We talk about treating our brothers like VIPs (since everyone made my God is!), and how the way we interact with one another and the words we use with one another shape the way we see both ourselves and the world. Hopefully, some of that might be helpful for you! Thinking of conflict as an opportunity instead of an inconvenience has changed everything for me.

 

 

 

“13The Lord looks down from heaven;
he sees all the children of man;
14from where he sits enthroned he looks out
on all the inhabitants of the earth,
15he who fashions the hearts of them all
and observes all their deeds.
16The king is not saved by his great army;
a warrior is not delivered by his great strength.
17The war horse is a false hope for salvation,
and by its great might it cannot rescue.

18Behold, the eye of the Lord is on those who fear him,
on those who hope in his steadfast love,
19that he may deliver their soul from death
and keep them alive in famine.

20Our soul waits for the Lord;
he is our help and our shield.
21For our heart is glad in him,
because we trust in his holy name.
22Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us,
even as we hope in you.

-Psalm 33:13-22, ESV

 

I'll save my best work and thoughts for this list, but I'll still be posting on the gram. If we're not connected there, I'd love for you to come follow along! Just click one of these “lately” photos below!