Empathy is like a bridge.
Sometimes we build it plank by plank through life experiences. Other times, we find ourselves standing on it before we even realize we’re crossing into someone else’s world.
When I was a student nurse, we were told we’d be working with patients who had recently lost their sight. Kings County Hospital in Brooklyn was walking distance from my home, which felt like a small luxury after my usual bus–train–bus commute.
That weekend, I blindfolded myself and decided to keep it on until bedtime. The first few hours? A comedy of bumps and bruises. But slowly, I learned that sound travels differently in a room filled with furniture versus an empty space. I began to listen with my whole body.
At first, I thought I was just doing my homework—learning what my patients might be up against so I could help them. But when I met them, they were deeply touched that I’d even tried. That’s when I realized: empathy doesn’t just help them. It changes us.
Two years later, I found myself on the receiving end. I was 21, post-op in a hospital bed, heartbroken after my boyfriend called to say he couldn’t be with someone who had a physical problem. I was crying when a nurse’s aide—whose name I never learned—walked in, saw me, and without a word, sat down and held me like a child. I still remember her arms. She gave me back my right to have feelings. That, to me, is the moment healing begins—when we feel safe enough to be exactly where we are.
Balancing Healing for Others and Healing for Ourselves
Empathy can be a gift… or a trap. Sometimes we help others to avoid looking at our own pain. The trick is learning to do both. Here’s how:
- Fill your cup first – Even 5 minutes of self-care before you help someone else makes a difference. (I often use essential oils or Young Living’s Cool Azul Pain Relief Cream to ground myself and ease my own discomfort.)
- Set “emotional office hours” – Be available to others when you choose, not every time your phone pings.
- Check your motive – Ask yourself: Am I helping to connect… or to avoid my own feelings?
- Take turns being the listener – You need people who can hold space for you, too.
- Celebrate small wins – Acknowledge the moments you’ve made someone feel safe or understood. That’s no small thing.
- Schedule “me time” like an appointment – If caring for yourself doesn’t come naturally, put it on your calendar right now. Not “someday,” not “when I have time”… today. Treat it like a non-negotiable meeting with someone you love (because that’s exactly who it’s for).
Because the truth is, empathy is the invisible bridge we build between our hearts and someone else’s. But bridges need maintenance. Strong foundations. And regular care—on both ends.
That’s why “me time” isn’t selfish; it’s bridge repair. The stronger you are, the steadier you can be for others. So before you rush off to help someone else today, pause for just a moment and ask yourself: When is my next appointment with me?
If it’s not on your calendar yet, go ahead—pencil it in now. Make it something that lights you up, so when you step back onto that bridge, you bring your whole, healthy, glowing self with you.
Because the world doesn’t just need your help—it needs you.
Nancy
