Next: an excerpt! This is a text message conversation between Jude and Audrey before they set out on their trip to convince his mother that they're madly in love. They're having some trouble getting off the ground with that.
Audrey: I’m going to send some flowers to your mother on the day of the engagement party she’s hosting but I wanted to check if she has any allergies or sensitivities first.
Jude: You don’t need to send her anything
Audrey: Why? Because we’re operating under the assumption that I’m a coldhearted demon spawn who doesn’t care about anyone but myself?
Audrey: Or are you too busy being belligerent to answer a simple question? If that’s the case, you’re going to make it really obvious to your mother that this is a sham.
Audrey: I’m trying to help you here but you’re too busy being a shitfinch to notice.
Jude: Not sure when you leveled up your vocab but it’s colorful
Audrey: You’re about as helpful as old yeast
Jude: My mother’s been asking if we’ve set a date. Feel free to invent one.
Audrey: Yeah sure no problem, on it…since I’m inventing everything else
Audrey: I take it I’ll be doing all the talking too. There’s no possible way for that to blow up in our faces
Jude: take a breath pls
Jude: you know my mother. She’s a squirrel on a chill day.
Audrey: right and squirrels never notice when they’re being scammed
Jude: it makes sense that we’d do the long-distance thing for a while with me traveling for work all the time and you based in Boston. Go back to the basics. Don’t sweat it. She just wants to see you and throw a party.
Audrey: I really don’t understand how you think it’s that simple
Jude: Maybe it’s not but I think we’ll figure it out when it’s go time
Audrey: Can you just tell me if she has any allergies?
Jude: I don’t think so but I meant it when I said you don’t have to send anything
Audrey: Sorry but I can’t show up to a party being thrown in my honor without a gift for the hostess. The choices are to send flowers in advance or carve out a lobe of my liver and hand it to her at the door.
Jude: Those good girl manners die hard
Audrey: They die but they stick around and haunt the attic
