“I can't control the viciousness in our national discourse, but I can control myself.” - author and international speaker and storyteller Alexandra O. Hudson, Nov 24, 2025, The Enneagram & Marriage Pod
Hi friends,
Fears are high right now. Culture wars are raging. Our HOA even got ugly this week, which a neighbor told me was surrounding the bigger issues out there.
Many of you are about to sit down at tables with people who see the world very differently than you do.
A listener specifically requested this conversation as she remembered I'm from parents who had a lot of respectful but diverse political discourse, and that my husband and siblings carry that on to this day.
Because of all the time we take to work on this kind of thing with wisdom and grace as siblings and as a couple and even with older nieces and nephews now, when we go to Detroit this Thurs, we're planning seats at the Pistons game and discovering what restaurant is big enough to hold us all versus getting lost in the differences.
We'll talk about who's graduating, old memories from grandpa (always a hilarious hit because some were really hard so we all need the humor), who's dating who, who's going where, what's happening at the jobs, as just about everyone is in the health field or teaching field, except my brother who will want to find a way to bring it back to chess.
We all have our deep political convictions, but when we get together in diverse intimate settings with intention, for this is what Thanksgiving really started with, to a degree, even if differences come up, and they usually do, we take a deep breath and choose to remember where we DO align - Love your neighbor as yourself and love God is a strong place of common ground in my immediate four siblings and I, and with my husband and I.
Once in awhile, when it doesn't go as well, we have to KEEP LEARNING or take a break versus saying, “You're too much,” etc.
Even if you don't agree with your spouse or extended family, as Alexandra says on the pod, civility is different than a stiff or snobbish politeness (which by the way, can be read nonverbally very well by most), when she says on the pod….
"Civility is this disposition of the heart….it's seeing the other person as they really are - a human being, created in the image of God, the imago dei, just like us, worthy of a bare minimum of respect."
The ancient Greeks called it "the Great Conversation," the ongoing discourse about beauty, goodness, and truth and Alexandra (Lexie) is reviving that conversation with 50,000 people through Civic Renaissance, and her new book "The Soul of Civility", heralded by the Wall Street Journal as “intelligent, edifying, charming, and emboldening” (her Enneagram justice fighter vibes are strong here, as we also discuss!), and thousands of others, is exactly what this moment needs.
Instead of, "Let's not talk about politics." “Everyone's entitled to their opinion, or ”Smile and move on," true civility is deeper.
It's pausing - it's understanding the substance behind people's words. It's valuing people enough to tell them when you think they're wrong, holding them accountable to better, with humility, gentleness, respect, patience, and strength, and this is what I expect when I go “home” and this is what I dish out, too!! With lots of fun, besides, as the goal!
I also recommend her book below, where Alexandra explores the "libido dominandi," the desire to dominate that shows up everywhere right now, in marriages, families, neighborhoods, and our cultural discourse.
Whether you're navigating a tense marriage, a divided family gathering, or just trying to stay sane in our current moment, this is a must listen before Thursday and her Substack is a must follow, too. You can find her at www.alexandraohudson.com
Love living intentionally with you,
Christa
