I just got back from a whirlwind trip to Nashville. It was a trip that reminded me how much goodness people can create.

Tuesday Triage

November 25, 2025

Hi there,

 

I just got back from a whirlwind trip to Nashville. It was a trip that reminded me how much goodness people can create. A podcast listener named Becky, who lives near my old law school roommate Alex, saw Alex’s “Death Readiness Podcast” yard sign, started listening, reached out, and before long she was hosting me for a beautiful dinner and connecting me with local groups interested in having me speak.

 

Her generosity stayed with me on the long drive home. And it reminded me of another place where generosity has shaped my life: the Adirondack lake where my dad still lives.

 

Growing up, that house wasn’t just a house. It was the place where my parents and their friends, Hal and Pam, turned dilapidated old Higby Club resort buildings into homes — where I prepped my sixth-grade egg drop project with Pam (who I believed, and still believe, to be the smartest person alive), where Hal performed my wedding ceremony, and where my daughter has grown from a little kid into a full-blown teenager over consecutive summers.

 

There’s even a wallpaper border in the downstairs bathroom that hides a failed sponge-painting attempt my mom and I tried 25 years ago — hydrangeas that live behind the paper, waiting to be rediscovered. My mom said, “Someday, after I’m gone, you’ll take this border down and see those hydrangeas.”

 

It’s been 13 years since my mom died. I know exactly where the hydrangeas are. I haven’t peeled the border back. Neither has my dad. And here’s why:

The memory doesn’t live in the house. It lives in me.

And that brings me to today’s Tuesday Triage: How to Stop the Family Camp from Splitting Siblings

 

Every family has their version of this story: “You won’t believe what happened with Aunt Sue’s family cottage…”

 

The drama almost always centers around one thing: real estate, the most emotionally loaded and logistically complicated asset families ever try to pass down.

 

Today, I talk about:

 

• Why “keeping the camp in the family” is more complicated than it sounds

• Why sentiment doesn’t pay the propane bill (or replace the dock, or fix the roof)

• How wildly different definitions of “fairness” blow up sibling relationships

• Why your parent’s property is not your property, and why that’s okay

• How to create a plan that preserves relationships instead of destroying them

 

And, ultimately, how to separate the place from the memories, and realize the memories are yours, regardless of what happens to the deed.

Prepare Your Family for the Camp Talk

Families assume the camp will keep everyone together. But without structure, communication, and a realistic plan, it can do the exact opposite. You can’t pass down a property and expect your kids to magically agree on something you never helped them plan.

 

Start the conversation with the Keeping the Camp Family Discovery Worksheet.

If You’re Not Sure Your Plan Actually Works…

Today’s episode makes it clear: Real estate is where even “good” plans fall apart. If you’re staring at your estate plan (or your parents’), and you’re not sure whether it actually reflects the structure, clarity, and fairness you think it does, my Estate Plan Audit can help.

 

I’ll walk you through:

A Thanksgiving Reminder

My parents already gave me something bigger than the house. They gave me the time I spent there, the dockside celebrations, the almost too-dangerous sledding, the summer nights at the bonfire, lakeside basketball games on a makeshift court, the holiday champagne chilling in the snow, and the morning stillness that steadies me now, just as much as it did when I was an angsty teenager.

 

Maybe you inherit the camp. Maybe you don’t. Maybe your parents sell it. You can still be grateful for the memories, for the people who shared them with you, and for the freedom to create new ones — anywhere.

Thanks for being here.

PS: If you want a deeper dive into how to legally structure a transfer of your family’s camp — trusts, LLCs, tax considerations, buyout formulas, let me know. If enough people reach out, I’ll dedicate a whole episode to it.