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Dearest First name / One,

 

 

Like many childless women, my relationship with Christmas has been through many stages since my innocent, hopeful thirties, when I watched every new arrival amongst my friends and my ex-husband's family with excitement, imagining that their children would one day be my children's playmates. And then on through my single and childless forties, the really hard yards of grieving, when it was much too painful to be around other people's kids and partners, let alone share in their Christmases… before reconnecting to the children in my life in my late forties as life-changing grief-work and the community of other childless women healed my broken heart. In my early fifties, things took a new direction again as I became part of a different family when I met my new life partner, and now in my early sixties, I'm noticing how each Christmas also marks the absence of yet more family members, friends, therapy clients, beloved childless community members, and precious four-legged angels. Goodness knows what it's going to be like in my seventies, if I have the privilege of making it that far, but with each year of my childless elderhood, celebrating the extraordinary adventure of life feels ever more precious, especially as our world becomes ever more uncertain. 

 

This week, NomoCrone Sue Fagalde Lick published a piece about the effort of putting up her Christmas tree as a widowed, childless elderwoman, and it reminded me of when I was 48 and decided that for the first time in a decade, single, middle-aged, childless me 'deserved' a tree too! It was a way of signalling to myself that, despite society thinking of me as a failed female project, I no longer agreed. That year, nobody saw that tree but me, but the image of it lives on in my heart and soul. 

 

I've had a tree every year since, and the ornaments that I bought for that first 'me tree' come out each time. These days, they nestle amongst the ornaments that my later-life partner inherited, and those we have bought together. I also hang ornaments that, privately, I know represent the children who live only in my heart. And ones for pets no longer with us, too. Single or partnered, the tree has become a ritual where I commemorate all the twists and turns of life and death. 

 

I might sound a bit dark, but in fact this time of year for me is all about LIGHT, and the ‘return of the sun/son’ on the Winter Solstice (in the Northern Hemisphere). So I'm delighted to guesting on Helen Louise Jones' free ‘chanting circle' on Sunday 21st December. I'm also really looking forward to hosting December's Fireside Wisdom with Childless Elderwomen on Saturday 13th, when I'll do my best to lead a celebration with a large and very lively panel of amazing childless elderwomen from around the world (wish me luck facilitating that!)

And finally, thanks to all of you who have written and shared your insight into living with and managing Long Covid. I think I might be slowly getting a bit better, but there are good days and bad days, so it's too early to say for sure. All I do know is that living this quietly has been powerful medicine for my soul, and has eased me more fully into embracing the necessary limitations of aging, and focusing on what I really want to get finished this lifetime - ie: my novel! Next year it'll be the 11th year of working/not-working on it, and my dream is that in next December's newsletter, I'll be able to say that it's DONE! I can't wait for you to meet my middle-aged, single, childless heroine, and follow her adventures as she tries to find her way in life again. Not that there's anything remotely autobiographical about it!

This newsletter takes a day (at least) each month to write and produce. If you'd like to support my work, you can leave me a tip at BuyMeACoffee, and I'll probably do exactly that with it, no doubt, whilst also reading a book you've helped me buy :)

What is the Reignite Weekend? 
The Reignite Weekend is the transformational healing weekend that I created in 2012 (and ran personally 50+ times) in many different countries. It now continues with my team of licensed facilitators in London (UK) and Australia, and in 2025, and for the first time for ages, I'll be co-hosting one too in Ireland. The testimonials continue to show that this weekend often marks a ‘before’ and ‘after’ moment in the trajectory of childless women's healing from the heartbreak of childlessness. Info, testimonials, booking links here.