I’m writing this curled up on the couch with Tripp asleep on my chest and Christmas music playing in the background—and something came through so clearly that I needed to share it with you now.
Olivia told me a few of you have been emailing things like:
“Do I still have things to heal?”
“Should I wait?”
“How do I know if I’m ‘ready’ for HER Year?”
Here's the thing: The idea that you have to be "fully healed" before you're allowed to expand is absolute BS. It's such a lie in the world of personal development, and it keeps you stuck on the hamster wheel of always drudging up more shit that maybe doesn't need to be drudged up.
If you haven’t listened to my episode 🎧
The Dark Side of Personal Development, go listen after this—because this obsession with “fixing yourself forever” is keeping so many women stuck in a perpetual sense of not-enoughness. A feeling that they must earn their next level by being perfectly regulated, perfectly healed, and perfectly processed.
No. Just no.
We're human. HELLOOO??!!!
So let me say this loud and clear:
You don’t need to be done healing to step into your next level.
You’re not meant to keep digging endlessly for something to fix in yourself or to delay your expansion in case "another wound comes up."
The reason for this is that as you expand, wounds will come up that maybe you thought you had already healed. Because as you expand, you trigger wounds and parts of yourself that you couldn't have triggered before because you were in the environment or with the person that got into that sore spot.
That wound couldn't have come up when you were on "the level below" (for want of a better phrase).
As an example, one of the women inside of DecemHER shared that a father wound resurfaced. And she thought... "Does this mean I still have work to do?"
Not necessarily. The reason why it came up is because I was expanding you into "having it all," which you obviously hadn't dived into the frequency of yet, so it literally couldn't have come up in the way that it did.
And this is why you can expand and heal at the same time.
IN FACT!!! There is healing to be found IN THE EXPANSION. BOOM BOOM BOOM.
You only heal the wounds that would have never surfaced until you stepped into your next-level identity.
Just like…
You can only heal relational wounds when you’re actually in relationship.
You can only heal receiving wounds when you’re actually receiving more.
You can only heal success wounds when you’re pursuing the version of you who is successful.
Playing small keeps you safe, but it also keeps you stuck in the past.
Let me be clear about something else:
The goal of healing (at least the way in which I facilitate it) isn't to NOT ever be triggered again, it's NOT to never go into fight/flight/freeze again, it is NOT to become some untouchable, perfectly put-together robot.
The goal is that when life happens (because it will), you can bring yourself back to safety faster. What used to take you 5 months to come back to safety from now takes 50 minutes.
Being able to lead yourself through a triggering moment or dysregulated state is what tells me you're ready for HER Year. Are you willing to lead yourself through what comes up while you build the life you actually want?
If the answer is yes, then HER Year is for you.
And let’s be honest, staying out of your next level until you’re “fully healed” is just perfectionism. If you feel drawn to
HER Year and something in your gut is whispering, “This is your next step”…
Then First name / friend, you’re ready.
I'll see you inside.
