You know what would be lovely? A big break this week to focus on goals. Picture it with me: candles, some nice music… and enough time to relax, to meditate, to journal — to go through the calendar, plan out the year…
Sigh. Doesn't that sound lovely? I can totally see it, in my mind.
For better or worse, though, my mind is the only place I'm going to see a break like that this week. Ha! A candlelit planner session isn't on my radar during “Circle Back” week, that week when all our “after the holiday” tasks circle back to us, each one impatient for its turn on our to-do list.
But what does that mean, then? If I can't take the big break… do I not get a pause at all? Is it perfect break or bust?
As a trained perfectionist, I’m excellent at sacrificing what could be because I can’t have it perfectly. (As in, if I can’t take my ideal break, I skip the pause altogether, telling myself I’ll make time for a “proper” one later in the week. Spoiler alert: That never ends up happening.)
Learning that an imperfect something beats an only-imagined nothing has been one of the most important lessons of my life so far. And it definitely holds true for taking a break.
Now, instead of chasing the perfect break, maybe I'll take a three-minute pause to write my big goals on a sticky note. Or I'll light a candle while I answer emails. Or maybe I'll take four deep breaths before I start a task.
These small pauses, these small somethings — they're really important. Not just because they add up (even though they definitely do!). But because those somethings are so, so much better than nothing.
Those of us who aim high, we tend to dismiss the small thing because we'd rather have the big thing. We want to wait — until later, later, later, when we can make time for the better version.
Except… that later, ideal version is not better. Because it doesn't exist! The ideal is in our heads. It's imaginary. It's nonexistent. It's nothing. But the smaller something, the one you can do now — that's real. And it's usually well within your reach.
You deserve a life filled with somethings. So don't let your achiever brain set you on a path of “all or nothing.” Light the candle. Take that short break to breathe. Try a five-minute workout in your PJs.
And that over-the-top New Year’s planning session you’ve been guilt-tripping yourself about? Scrap it! Find 5 or 10 minutes in a quiet spot, plan what you can, then text a friend and set up a coffee to share your goals. Done and done.
You don’t need a full-blown goal-setting retreat to start fresh, and you don't need a perfect anything to get something great started.
So don’t wait for it. Take your small something. Celebrate that it's enough.
A little pause is so, so much better than none at all.
Dr. Sarah Glova, Co-Editor of Pause, Momentum Hunter
Next week, I'll be diving into the deeper, research-backed side of this idea — in my new Substack, The Science of Getting There.
Before a presentation, I ask all my students to stand up, take up space (Power Pose! IYKYK), and breathe together for a moment.
My favorite breathing exercise to do with the group is square breathing (or box breathing). You may already be familiar with square breathing. It’s when you breathe in through your nose for a count of four, hold your breath for a count of four, exhale out your nose for a count of four, and hold your breath for a count of four. Then repeat.
We do this a few times together. I know that it feels a little silly at first. Some of my students dislike it (and maybe they don’t even do it). BUT, as the one leading them through the exercise, I get huge benefits out of paying attention to my breath — even for that short amount of time. Plus breathing together and moving a bit before a presentation shakes off some of those nerves.
And I hear from students and alumni how they use square breathing before an exam, an interview, or networking.
So if a little focused breathing can help before a stressful situation like a presentation, imagine what it can do if we just take a pause a few times a day to focus on our breath and count our inhales and exhales.
We walk around all day breathing in and out — not thinking about it at all. (Thanks, autonomic nervous system! You are doing a great job!)
But when we take a moment — really, just a moment — to pause and practice paying attention to our breath, some cool things happen.
Breathing helps activate your parasympathetic nervous system, which can help you calm down. (Some things really stuck with me from biology class all those many years ago!).
So here's your sign to pause and try square breathing and focus on your breath for 32 seconds. You’ll be glad you did.
Dr. Sarah Egan Warren, Co-Editor of Pause, Scholar of Nerves
