There are losses that don’t just break your heart. They rearrange your nervous system.

 

In Black queer life, we don’t only mourn people. We mourn futures that never got to happen. The elder who didn’t get to become an elder. The love that didn’t get to ripen. The wisdom that never got passed down in a quiet kitchen, over food, in the gentle voice of someone who survived long enough to soften.

 

And right now, with the current political climate turning colder and more punitive, that grief gets activated. When rights are treated like debate topics, when whole communities are framed as threats, when policy language starts sounding like permission to shame and exclude, the body remembers. Even if you can’t name it immediately, your nervous system does. It says: brace. scan. reduce your visibility. keep your tenderness tucked away.

 

Black History Month asks us to remember. But for many of us, remembering isn’t a celebration. It’s a reckoning.

 

Because we carry a specific kind of absence: the empty seats at the table. The missing mentors. The unasked questions. The men who should be here teaching us how to stay tender without getting eaten alive.

 

And if we’re honest, some of us learned our first lessons about love through loss.

We learned: don’t get too attached.
We learned: keep it casual.
We learned: don’t need too much.
We learned: grief is safer than hope.

 

This is the part that doesn’t get said enough: when you lose enough people, you don’t only grieve them. You start pre-grieving everyone else. You hold joy at arm’s length. You treat closeness like a luxury you can’t afford. You confuse independence with protection.

 

So here’s the question: what did we lose, exactly?

 

We lost storytellers. Men whose laughter was medicine. Men whose hands knew how to calm a room. We lost protectors and dreamers and troublemakers. We lost artists who made our desire look holy instead of shameful. We lost ordinary brothers who would’ve taught us extraordinary things simply by living.

 

But we didn’t lose everything.

We inherited something too.

 

We inherited the insistence on dignity. The refusal to disappear. The genius of building chosen family out of thin air. The quiet codes that say “I see you” when it isn’t safe to say it out loud. The ability to create joy in a world that keeps trying to ration it.

 

Legacy isn’t just what they did. It’s what they made possible in us.

 

So I want to offer a ritual for this month, simple and serious: Write down three names. One person you lost. One person who helped you become yourself. One person you wish you could thank, even if you never met them. Then answer this: What did they teach you about love? Not romance. Love as survival. Love as truth. Love as the courage to be seen.

 

And finally: What lesson are you willing to pass forward?

Because if the climate is trying to teach us fear, our lineage is here to teach us something else: We have survived worse. We have loved anyway. And we are not done.

If your New Year’s resolution to improve your health is a distant memory as spring approaches — or you just need an infusion of expert advice and motivation to stay the course — we’ve got the event for you.

Brothers of the Desert’s annual Wellness Summit returns next month for its seventh year. The summit will take place from 8:30 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. March 28 at Renaissance Palm Springs, offering Black gay men and allies a day of inspiring keynote presentations and innovative workshops.

With “Building Our Collective Resilience” as this year’s theme, the Brothers will continue our tradition of convening diverse guests and community partners who value empowering all residents to live their best lives.

Attendees can expect to explore mental health, aging considerations, relationships, physical health, healthy sex, spirituality, creative expression, and other topics with an emphasis on healing and strengthening our community. Everyone is welcome to attend what has become one of Brothers of the Desert’s signature events.

“The Wellness Summit offers a rare opportunity to investigate social determinants of health through the lens of our culture, historical perspective and lived experience as Black gay men,” said Tim Vincent, Brothers of the Desert Board President. “It is an impactful event for our members, and it has been especially rewarding to hear from allies of different genders, races and backgrounds who benefited from attending past sessions.”

This year’s outstanding roster of presenters, panelists and moderators includes:

The full lineup of speakers will be announced soon at brothersofthedesert.org.

Space is limited, registration is required so please be sure to reserve your spot by today.

Lunch will be provided.

A donation of $25 is suggested, but any amount will be appreciated.

If you have a question or would like to become an event sponsor, please email info@brothersofthedesert.org

Keith Boykin is a New York Times best-selling author, TV political commentator, and social media. A graduate of Harvard Law School, Keith worked in the White House for President Bill Clinton, taught race and politics at Columbia University, and provides political and social commentary in his weekly online video series and in his appearances on CNN.

Keith is a co-founder and first board president of the National Black Justice Coalition. Born in St. Louis, he has traveled five continents, lived in 12 cities, and visited 48 of the 50 United States.

Dr. Nii-Quartelai Quartey is a political journalist, Pepperdine University professor and prominent convener in the fields of dialogue and social change. Throughout his career, he has been featured on various media outlets, including The Oprah Winfrey Show, MSNBC, CNN, CBS News, NewsNation, SiriusXM, TheGrio and as a daily news anchor for FOX Broadcasting and FOX SOUL. Now he serves as Host & White House Correspondent for "A More Perfect Union" radio talk show and podcast produced by KBLA .

Harold J. Phillips is a nationally recognized HIV policy leader and public health strategist with over 30 years of experience advancing equity, access, and innovation in the fight against HIV/AIDS. In 2025, he was appointed CEO of NMAC, where he leads efforts to center racial justice and community leadership in the national response to HIV. Previously, Phillips served as Director of the White House Office of National AIDS Policy (2021–2024), overseeing the implementation of the National HIV/AIDS Strategy and shaping federal policy to accelerate progress toward ending the epidemic. He also held senior roles at the Health Resources and Services Administration’s HIV/AIDS Bureau, where he managed key programs including Ryan White, AIDS Education and Training Centers, and PEPFAR-funded initiatives. As a Black gay man living with HIV, Phillips brings lived experience and visionary leadership to his work. His career has been defined by a commitment to uplifting marginalized voices, modernizing HIV policy, and building sustainable systems of care.

Yolo Akili Robinson(he/they) is a non-binary, award-winning writer, healing justice practitioner, yogi, and the founder and Executive Director of the Black Emotional and Mental HealthCollective (BEAM). A visionary in the field of mental health, Yolo leads BEAM—an innovative 501(c)(3) national nonprofit organization that funds, resources, holds healing spaces, and trains a network of Black therapists, wellness practitioners, and mental health organizations to provide culturally rooted wellness care to our most exploited and under-resourced communities. Through this work, BEAM builds a robust and sustainable ecosystem of care that challenges the structural barriers to emotional and mental well-being for communities across the U.S.

Jason King is the Dean of the Thornton School of Music at the University of Southern California, and the former Chair and founding faculty member of the Clive Davis Institute of Recorded Music at New York University (2002-2023).  A multi-talented scholar, journalist, author, musician, performer, producer, songwriter, radio and video host, and event curator, Jason has written about music for publications like the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, Pitchfork, Slate, The Village Voice, Spin, and Billboard. He was the host and co-producer of NPR Music’s flagship video documentary series Noteworthy, featuring superstars like Dua Lipa and Alicia Keys. He has served as a music marketing and branding expert in high-profile cases for artists like Drake, Jay Z, Madonna, and Lady Gaga. He has produced concerts like You Are my Friend: A Concert Tribute to Sylvester at Lincoln Center for the Performing Arts; he hosted and produced Spotify’s 2022 Sound Barrier original podcast on the life and times of Sylvester; he wrote and produced a four part series on The Beatles called A Shot of Rhythm and Blues, hosted by Meshell Ndegeocello; he co-curated The Hip-Hop Mixtape exhibition at the Grammy Museum in Los Angeles; and he served as a consulting producer for Morgan Neville’s LEGO-driven feature film bio of Pharrell Williams, Piece by Piece. He will soon make his own feature film directorial debut.

 

Brothers of the Desert is excited to continue our monthly discussion group called Barbershop: A Black Gay Men’s Space for Honest Talk About Wellness, now in our second year!

 

Building upon the tradition of barbershops in Black communities, the discussion group is designed to encourage open and honest conversation. The meetings are welcoming a spectrum of Black men, gay, bisexual, transgender and nonbinary. The wellness topics discussed are diverse, ranging from dating and intimacy, aging considerations, how we get and offer support, and exploring our identities as Black men.

 

The group meets the second Tuesday of each month from 5:30-7:00 PM. There is no charge to attend. We begin with a meet and greet with dinner that begins at 5:30PM and the discussion group starts at 6PM. The group is facilitated by Stuart Huggins and Will Dean.

 

To register to attend the meetings email: willdean.boardmember@brothersofthedesert.org

For questions email Tim Vincent at president@brothersofthedesert.org

 

Brothers of the Desert members meet monthly to discuss recent and upcoming events, share updates on the organization, celebrate our accomplishments, and have an opportunity to connect with new and existing members.

 

Brothers of the Desert Board Members invite you to our Annual Member Appreciation Luncheon.

 

Saturday, February 14th, from 12:00 noon to 1:30 pm, following the Members Meeting on Floor 3/Room 3.

 

Help us celebrate our membership, Black history month, and Valentine's Day!

 

Lunch will be catered by Aspen Mills Palm Springs.

 

Make your reservation before Thursday, February 12th, by emailing info@Brothersofthedesert.org.

 

Join us for bingo! Brothers of the Desert is  the beneficiary 5th year running for February bingo at the The Roost Lounge presented by GED Magazine and hosted by Ethylina Canne

Get your tickets  https://ethylsplacebingo.ticketbud.com/

And special thank you to our sponsor H.I.M-istry Naturals thank you for always supporting us!

 

I love the night – the stillness, the crisp air that’s a reprieve from the heat of the day, a silence that is only broken by melodies of nature: leaves in the wind, waves lapping against each other or the shore, a bird chirp from a great distance. The pseudorealism pieces of this pop-up exhibit – drawn in black, archival ink set against a heavy, white watercolor paper – show my favorite time of darkness, well after the sun has set, yet still long before it returns. For each piece, I start with a treasured thought of nature – that comes from a dream, a noted passage, a hope shared with a friend, a need for my future – and begin with a loose, but recognizable sketch of a respite moment. With slow, patient breaths and sometimes unfocused hand motions, I fill in the image. Details are sometimes exactly what one might expect. Often, they are only a concept of what might be. Each image is the sum of a crowded pattern of notations that I hope takes viewers on a special, personal reflection of what might be in the depicted moment.

 

Join Brothers of the Desert in celebration of Black History Month, the Palm Springs Black History Committee, (PSBHC) and the City of Palm Springs are proud to announce the 39th Annual City of Palm Springs Black History Month Parade and Town Fair.

 

The 2026 national theme is: “A Century of Black History Commemorations” — honoring the legacy of Carter G. Woodson, who launched Negro History Week in the 1920s, which later evolved into Black History Month as we know it today. This month is a time to celebrate the resilience, achievements, culture, and historic contributions of African Americans.

 

Brothers of the Desert is invited to be a part of this vibrant celebration by joining our 2026 Black History Month Parade.

 

The parade will take place along Palm Canyon Drive in downtown Palm Springs, beginning at Baristo Road and ending at Amado Road. The parade route is approximately one mile long, making it an enjoyable and walkable experience for participants and spectators alike. 

 

Immediately following the parade, we invite you to enjoy the Town Fair at Downtown Park, located near the Palm Springs Art Museum.

 

Help  support our brother "Patty Cakes" and join our friends from the Center for Spiritual Living Palm Springs with a fun community event that Patty Cakes is hosting!

On Wednesday, February 11 from 6–8 PM, Patty is hosting The $1,000,000 Pyramid: Relationship Edition — a playful parody of the classic TV game show. Partners team up to get each other to guess words and phrases using clever clues (no saying the word!), with lots of laughs, prizes, and audience fun throughout the night.

 

The evening includes a relaxed social warm-up from 6–7 PM, followed by the game show from 7–8 PM. It’s designed to be light, welcoming, and purely about connection and enjoyment — no lectures, no pressure.

$10 admission • Tickets available at the door

 

Ronald Mayo has donated a 10 by 10 branded canopy for Brothers of the Desert to use at events and festival for our booth. Thank you!

Valentine’s Day has a way of turning the volume up. On the couples. On the cravings. On the scrolling. On that quiet ache you can usually keep folded neatly in your back pocket.

 

So let me say this plainly: if you feel lonely around Valentine’s Day, nothing is wrong with you. Loneliness is not a diagnosis. It’s not proof you’re unlovable. It’s simply a human signal that you want closeness, warmth, and the kind of touch that doesn’t feel transactional. It’s your heart doing its job.

 

And for a lot of Black men, loneliness has an extra layer. Because it’s not only about not having someone. It’s about the exhausting math of being desired and not diminished.

Being wanted, but as a fantasy.
Complimented, but with an edge.
Touched, but not truly held.
Chosen, but only in private.

 

Black History Month asks us to look at what we’ve survived and what we still deserve. And one thing we deserve, without negotiation, is intimacy without scripts. Not the “BBC” caricature. Not the assumption that we’re automatically dominant, emotionless, hypersexual, or endlessly confident. Not the quiet emotional minimizing that says, “You’re hot, but don’t get deep.”

 

Here’s a tender truth: fetishization can feel like attention, but it rarely feels like safety. It’s desire without dignity. And over time, it trains the body to brace even while being touched.

So if Valentine’s Day is tender for you, let it be tender in the honest direction.

 

Ask yourself:

Do I want a person, or do I want proof I matter?

Where have I accepted being reduced just to be wanted?

What would it feel like to be desired in a way that also protects my humanity?

 

Then do one brave thing: reach toward real connection. Text a friend. Make a plan. Name what you need. Or give yourself a ritual that says, “I am not waiting to be worthy of love.”

 

This month, let’s claim a new standard.

To be desired.
And not diminished.
To be held.
And not handled.