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Dearest First name / One,

 

Thailand? Rather humid and with a few too many (beautifully behaved) Scandinavian young children around, but still... the light and warmth are a delicious break from the bleak, wet Irish winter. And a break too from the routine of trying/waiting to get well from my Long Covid--if indeed that's what it is! Thank you to all of you who have reached out with your experiences and advice - your care and concern have been both heartwarming and helpful. 

 

And for those of you who might be wondering what's happened to my essays and webinars, those are currently on hold due to my personal energy crisis - but you can read my Gateway Elderwomen archive free here, and watch more than 20 recorded Fireside Wisdom with Childless Elderwomen webinars here. I very much hope to pick up with both of them again soon, but right now I'm having to learn to live within the limits of my chronic illness, both physical and cognitive. Boo.

 

So, March… which, for those of us in the UK and Ireland, means ‘Mothering Sunday.’ Originally, a Church festival falling on the 4th Sunday after Lent for everyone to visit their ‘Mother Church’ (near where they were born), it is now mostly a lay-festival celebrating motherhood, following the US-created Mother's Day, begun by Anna Jarvis (a childless woman!) in 1910. This year, ‘Mothering Sunday’ falls on Sunday 15th March, and International Mother's Day follows it on Sunday 10th May. Thanks to social media, those of us in the UK/IE feel like we have to go through it twice!

 

Last year, Katy Seppi and I recorded a webinar (above & here) about our experiences of navigating Mothering Sunday/Mother's Day, and just how complex it can be for so many different reasons, not just because of our own thwarted motherhood. It might be because we are mourning our own mothers and/or managing our challenging relationships with them. We might be dealing with insensitive family members, colleagues and the wider culture. We might be finding the exaggerated visibility of our difference on Mother’s Day hard (particularly if we're also unpartnered). And it's often the case that the day can surface other ungrieved life losses, including the absence of grandchildren. It really can be the perfect storm! 

 

My own experience, after fifteen years of healing, is that it's not a day I have to brace myself for anymore, but I can never be totally sure--grief can pop up in the most surprising places, and I no longer fear that, but perhaps counterintuitively, welcome it. My childless grief reminds me that the children who live only in my heart are still there, tucked inside my soul like precious jewels. When they make themselves felt through grief, I put my hand on my heart, breathe in the love we have for each other, and then release that love back into the world. Because I see being touched by grief as another way of being touched by love, and I no longer reject that. Because right now the world needs as much love as it can get…

 

Talking of love, I am so grateful to each of you who have witnessed and accompanied me along my childless path so far, and I'm grateful too for my childless grief for revealing to me that just because I didn't get to be a mother, my life is no less valuable or meaningful. Different, yes: meaningless, hell no!

This newsletter takes a day (at least!) each month to write and produce. If you'd like to support my work, you can leave me a tip at BuyMeACoffee, and I'll probably do exactly that with it, no doubt, whilst also reading a book you've helped me buy :)

Our Sydney Reignite Weekend in May is now full, with a waiting list. Facilitators Sarah Roberts and Judy Graham are keen to gauge your interest in a 2027 Aus/NZ Reignite Weekend. Email them directly at either support@theemptycradle.com (Sarah) or judy@womenhood.com.au to let them know. The April weekend in Ireland with Kelly Brandt and me is also full. However, there's still space on our October workshop in London, UK, with Yvonne John and Sarah Lawrence, but maybe book soon?! Info, testimonials, booking links here.