Reflections on Settling In

We had our Settle In practice this past Saturday, and something really struck me during our time together.

We were looking at the Perceived Stress Scale, and a common theme emerged: Stress doesn't just live in our minds; it lives in our capacity to be with other people.

When we feel "pushed to the edge" by life, our ability to stay in connection with what I call

“Relational Stamina” is often the first thing to go.

Whether you were able to join us live or you spent your Saturday tending to other things, I wanted to share the reflection guide we used.

This isn't a "to-do" list. It’s a space for you to look at your stress numbers and ask: What is this doing to my voice? What is this doing to my relationships?

download the Perceived Stress Reflection here

Review the Perceived Stress Scale Questions here

1. The "Current Climate" Check-In

Looking at the scale’s questions, which specific area felt the most "uncontrollable" this week? (e.g., your schedule, an interpersonal tension, or internal self-talk?)

2. The Body’s "Volume Knob"

When your stress markers are in this range, what happens to your physical voice during a disagreement? Does it tighten/clench? Does it disappear (freeze)? Or does it get louder/sharper as a way to "over-protect"?

3. The Connection Cost

When you are at this stress level, how does it impact your ability to stay "in connection"? Does the stress make you want to move toward others for help, or move away into isolation?

4. One Small "Settle"

Based on your reflections today, what is one "micro-boundary" or practice you can explore setting in the next 24 hours to lower the pressure by just 1%?

Example: Turning off phone notifications for an hour,
or saying "I need 10 minutes before we talk about this."

Understanding our stress is the first step in moving from disconnection back into connection. It’s the "why" behind the "how."

Next week, I’m going to share a bit more about the framework I use to navigate these moments when the "voice gets stuck"—the actual theory behind building a relationship that can handle the stress.

Take a deep breath today. You’re doing better than you think.

warmly,

LaShawn

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