the sunday letter archives (unedited)
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The Sunday Letter
sprouts of joy through the rainclouds
Pictured above: My sister's wedding day (joy) in our father's hospital room (pain). We enjoyed sharing as many sweet moments as we could with him despite the deep-ache of it all given his condition (quadriplegic for two decades). 
 
Dear friend,
 
Today's Sunday Letter comes from a more personal place, but I hope it serves us all well in the end.
 
I'm resurfacing a wise message from my beloved father that has helped me through the years, and that I frequently remind myself of.
 
May God Have Mercy upon his soul.
 
Brief background: Despite my father's history of being an incredible martial artist and brilliant man in general, he suddenly endured a massive life-test with paralysis that would keep him bedridden for 20+ years. 
 
We navigated life with his severe physical limitations being unable to move or speak, yet his mind remained in tact and he was able to watch us grow while communicating with his beautiful eyes ~ letter by letter, word by word, expression by expression, we found ways to connect and be guided by our Lion. (Sebaa means lion so we would endearingly refer to him as such; this is also why you'll find the lion theme all over here) 🦁
 
I could dedicate letters to my father and what we were able to witness from his steadfastness, however, this letter comes with an undercurrent we may all be able to relate to.
 
Keep reading…
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There are moments in life when joy feels overshadowed by guilt, as if tested by the weight of trials. Yet, life doesn't unfold in isolation.
 
Happy occasions often intertwine with sorrowful events, much like the concept of yin within yang in TCM, life's essence is dynamic, urging us to expand our capacity to embrace its full spectrum. Balance. 
 
Just as nature finds balance, we too find strength in holding both joy and sorrow, knowing that from despair, resilience emerges. 🌤
 
Our ability to endure pain mirrors our capacity to embrace love.
 
As Ramadan draws to a close and we anticipate Eid celebrations, there's a bittersweet undertone being confronted by the atrocities and crimes against humanity.
 
Simple joys, like breaking fast with a meal after a taxing day, are tinged with anguish as we're reminded of those facing starvation.
 
If you're here, reading this, you're likely aware of what's happening, globally and locally. 💔 And, you may be facing your own personal trials—even through your smiles.
 
As the saying goes, "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."
 
So when the time comes to celebrate, you might ask yourself, "but how do I feel elation when I’m sinking in grief?'
 
With this question in mind, I'd like to share today's lesson with you in this letter.
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On Joy Amidst Pain
A lesson from my father 
 
My barely-18-year-old self at my father's bedside a few years into his paralysis:
 
'Daddy, I can't feel what fun feels like. How do I feel joy when life's tests can be so heavy?'
 
Unable to move or speak, one letter at a time (how we communicated with his beautiful hazel eyes before his regression), he spelled out the following:
"My daughter, you will feel pain but you have to make room for joy. It's how we breathe. You have to let out the air. If you just fill it in, the balloon will rupture. It happened to my brain with this stroke. Have fun. Don't blame the world's problems. Be aware and live too. Pray to The One Who Created emotions."
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I have to remind myself of this often. Daily, really—especially since his passing.
 
There's a guilt that I had to catch quickly and throw under my feet before it envelopes me while our father was going through the massive test of his long-standing paralysis.
 
How can I go to this party while you're locked in this way?
 
How can I rejoice in ________ without you there with me?
 
How can I have your grandchildren without your ability to embrace them?
 
When I find myself enjoying a moment fully, does that mean I'm forgetting you?
 
So many questions within...
 
We feel the same as a human family, too:
 
How can I enjoy this delicious meal while others haven't been able to break their fast for days?
 
How am I ordering such a fancy caffè latte while another is parched for a drop of water? 
 
How can I drive this comfortable car while another's feet feel sore to the bone? 
 
And so, so on…
 
Eid comes in a few days. Eid is a time of celebration and joy. 
 
After 30 days of fasting, we're given a "festival of breaking the fast." 💛
 
With what's happening within + the heavy oppression all over the world, it can be hard to celebrate anything.
 
To feel joy, how?
 
I again remind myself of my father's advice above. I'm reminded of the nature of this life. I try to exercise such a deep soaking of gratitude for the innumerable blessings that all I can do is wash my pains with it and feel relief in those moments. 
 
Stay there.
 
And, it's been my experience that those who have been tested the hardest seem to have the lightest of hearts. I look up to these people and find strength in their stories.
 
Again, how?
 
Perhaps they've heavily exercised the muscles of reliance on The Best of Planners (tawwakul)—surrender through prayer, meditation, observation, gratitude (again), and deep reflection—all the things we're called to do as prescriptions. 
 
Human as we are.
 
From the little sweet moments to the larger celebrations, I'm reminded to exhale through the tears, fortify my reliance in The One Who Knows the unknown, and be.
 
So, with joy: if you're celebrating Eid Mubarak! 🎊 and if not, I'm still wishing you an amazing day (and days)! 
 
This is truly a time to be in a state of happiness. Do not deprive yourself of this. It's another Divine Wisdom to appreciate these opportunities to let the heart embrace happiness like fuel.
 
*For those not necessarily celebrating and/or for other times when a special occasion falls in dips of pain, you can still remember this through any moment with this duality. 
 
I hope that this small reflection helps you as much as it helps me through the pendulum swing of life's uncertainties. 
 
Place certainty in The Certain.
 
Please keep all those dealing with disabilities in your prayers. Their wisdom is beyond those not tested this way. 
 
It's true.
 
I appreciate your prayers from my father when he was suffering in decades past and now as he has ascended to a realm of greater relief for him (I wholeheartedly believe).
 
Pray for those suffering from the painful injustices and hollow-hearts of man's lower selves.
 
God Knows. 
God Plans. 
 
Ease is a Promised follow-up to tight-hardships.
 
(94:6)
 
I miss you, Daddy. I'll remember your permission for joy as an attempt to lighten this heavy heart. 🤍
 
"The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain." - Kahlil Gibran
 

with care,

Aïcha, daughter of Lahouari Sebaa
 
P.S. I recognize the privilege and potential oversimplification here. Every nuance and individual circumstance cannot be captured in a single email, however, I hope that the intention of making space to soothe anxieties comes through. 
 
This life is so short. We often find ourselves taking it day by day. Thank you in advance for seeing the good, taking what resonates, and leaving the rest. Wishing you well through the ups and downs while we're all here together.
 
P.P.S. Speaking of joy + Eid, how can I not mention HENNA? :) Check out this older video clip where I speak more about this special herb: Henna: Lawsonia inermis
 
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