May 6th,  2026

 

It's my birthday! There she is. Diane Carolyn Murray. Daughter of John & Celia Murray. Mother to Morgan, Gavin, and Molly. This little girl had spice from the beginning. My mom told stories of me dancing on end tables, my cousins lament that at the holiday's I would force them to put on shows for the older adults…singing, costume changes, choreography, hair brushes as microphones. They were painfully shy, and I would just yank them around ordering instructions and yelling, “we need more rehearsal!”  I've decided now that it was just my “leadership skills” being developed.

 

 I can't look at this photo and have anything but grace and love for that little girl. If I could walk back to her, I'd have her crawl into my lap and I would tell her the story of “us”. I'd tell her some parts are going to be amazing, and some parts are going to be very difficult and unexpectedly heartbreaking. I'd tell her to keep going, keep trusting, keep taking chances and saying “yes”. It's going to work out. You are stronger, smarter, and braver than you can possibly imagine.

 

I would tell her hard stuff is going to happen, and she get's to decide whether it hardens her. I'd whisper in her ear as I rock her back and forth, that even in the hard, devastating parts of loss, pain, and failure, she is not being pushed out or rejected, she's always, always being call into something better….something truer. I'd also tell her some amazing things will happen. She will speak on stages and facilitate thousands of programs that help people.  She will lead her own business for over 18 years as trusted advisor to teams and leaders across the country.  In her own quiet, humble way, she will change lives for the better. And, spoiler alert, you FINALLY get that dog you begged your whole childhood for….and he is worth the wait! I'd ask her to promise me she will remember that she is so very precious and loved. I'd make her say it to me twice and pinky swear not to forget.

 

This is not just self-reflection or a sweet little daydream exercise. It's healing. We can walk back to our younger self and heal old wounds, old hurts, things from our past that weren't our fault. We can walk back and provide our younger self with the words and comfort we didn't get, but we deserved. We don't have to endure the non-closure of our past…we can close the loop ourselves and gift ourselves what we needed. The greatest leaders, parents and friends I have ever known became the adults they needed as a child. Sometimes the hard parts of our lives become what we stand for as an adults.

Sankofa, pronounced SAHN-koh-fah, is an Akan term from Ghana, West Africa, meaning "to go back and get it". Often represented as a mythical bird with its feet planted forward and its head turned backward bringing an egg (the future) to its back, it symbolizes learning from the past to build a better future. It means that taking from the past what is good and useful (wisdom, heritage, lessons) is not taboo, but necessary for moving forward. It symbolizes wisdom, reflection, and the importance of learning from history to inform the present and future. It is a powerful concept within African and African American culture, emphasizing that honoring and understanding history is key to progress. It's a beautiful symbol that I believe is true for leadership and progress in our work and home lives. Leadership that looks back at where we have been, so that we can reflect and learn in order to build a future that doesn't yet exist.

 

Find a photo of yourself as a little child. Frame it and put it somewhere you spend daily time (ie. your office, dresser, car, kitchen, bathroom). 

 

Look at the photo and tell your younger self what you needed to hear back then. Give your younger self the words, the encouragement, the safety, the full acceptance that maybe you didn't get back then. When your inner critic shows up and you are being harsh with yourself, think about how you would speak to that child in the photo. What would you say to that child if they were struggling, unsure, exhausted, burnout, vulnerable or uncertain? Whatever voice you would use to talk to that child, use it with yourself in that moment. 

 

Part of why I do what I do in the world is centered in the belief that work should not cause harm. Too often leaders have not done the self-reflection and self-healing that is necessary for leadership today and they work their shit out on their people. Leadership isn't always about looking ahead or getting ahead. Sometimes, it's about looking within, going back and finding what you left behind so you can lead with intention and care for those you influence. You deserve that. Your people deserve that. The world deserves that.

 

                                 Now go back and get it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Today’s work needs leaders who are self aware and can lead through uncertainty, risk, and change with grounded confidence. When leaders don’t do their own internal work, they work their issues out on their people and cause harm.

Teams thrive on two essentials: courageous leadership and effective communication. When leaders build trust and teams understand how to connect across different communication styles, collaboration deepens, innovation grows, and accountability sticks.