Happy Sunday Everyone! This week I want to talk about taking responsibility for your life. Recently I have had some members of my own family tell me how much they hate their lives. When I asked why it was the usual stuff that most people complain about like not having enough money, etc etc.
I get that we all struggle, some more than others, however if you are looking for other people to make you happy or make your life easier for you, you will never find it. Your happiness and peace of mind is an inside job.
If you are unhappy with your life it is your responsibility to make the necessary changes. No one else is responsible for your life - no one. So why are there so many people walking around today with this sense of entitlement or that life owes them something?
Years ago in early sobriety, I believe I may have mentioned this before, I was asked to do a gratitude list by my sponsor when I was having a difficult day. Basically I was feeling sorry for myself. I got angry that she asked me to do a gratitude list and I did not want to do it so instead I did a misery list thinking this would show her that I have no control over the things in my life that were making me miserable.
I wanted sympathy and understanding. I wanted someone to say “Oh my I am so sorry your life is so hard how can I help you?” I wanted someone else to “fix” whatever was wrong in my life, but I did not want to have to do the work or take responsibility.
Reviewing my misery list a harsh reality hit me in the face like a hard slap - EVERYTHING that was making me miserable was 100% my doing. Some of it was due to old belief systems that I have since deleted and some of it was due to trauma and abuse from the past which created false beliefs like no one could be trusted or that everyone got what they deserved.
But that list showed me that all my behaviors and thoughts and self-sabotaging behaviors could be changed. I had control and the ability to change my life. Well shit, now I have to take responsibility for my misery. I wanted to blame other people and say “see I really am a victim and none of it is my fault.” That back fired and I am thankful it did otherwise I probably would still be stuck in that victim mode expecting everyone else to make it right.
If you are unhappy with your life then it is your responsibility to make the necessary changes and I know sometimes those changes can be scary, especially if those changes include moving, leaving a relationship, or leaving a job. The important thing is to know you do not have to go through it alone. You could see a counselor or life coach to help you make those changes one step at a time and to be your biggest supporter. I did not make my changes alone, believe me!
If you were to write a misery list what would your list include? Would you see that everything on the list is truly your doing or your responsibility? What steps are you willing to take to make those changes?
A friend once said “people are committed to their misery” and that hit me hard. I never thought of it that way, but it's true. People want to commiserate and feel like a victim, but when you tell them they can change their life they get mad. Why? Because you did not give them permission to be the victim they want to be.
Recently my own sister said to me that she hates her life. I did not ask why, mostly because I knew why and my response was not the response she wanted. For my response was simply “then change it.”
What are things in your life that you need to reevaluate? What is making you miserable? And what can you do to empower yourself rather than sink into victimhood?
I challenge you this week to make a misery list and take an honest look at it. Remember if it is other people there is nothing you do to change them, however you can change how you react to them and that just may be enough to get them to change.
No one else is responsible for your happiness and well-being, that is your job and your job alone. So take an honest look at your life and know that you have the ability to change. And know there are great resources out there to help you, no one is ever meant to travel this thing called life alone. We all need help now and then.
Are you ready to being a new life?
My office hours are Sunday, Monday, and Tuesdays from 10 - 6 PM. Scheduling is available online via my website which is back up and running.
Sessions for Spiritual Counseling are held at my home office or by virtual chat. I do have cats and understand some people have allergies, if that is the case, we can chat virtually.
If you have additional questions about Spiritual Counseling/Guidance and if it is for you, please feel free to contact me via e-mail at
spiritualpathwaysnh@gmail.com.
Namaste,
Pat Laurino
Intuitive Energy Healer/Spiritual Psychic/Medium
