Hi First name / Slothy!,
The past two weeks have been slower than usual around here. My husband and I have both been sick, so this issue of the Vine doesn't come with my usual variety of stories.
But one conversation stood out enough that I knew it belonged here.
My husband is one of the most solid, genuinely positive people I know. I am usually the tougher critic in our household, and he is the sunshine. So I don't often find myself in the position of giving him one of my woo-woo pep talks, not because I don't offer them, but because he rarely needs one. He's usually already there.
But being sick while navigating a job search has nearly taken that sunshine right out of him. And honestly? I don't blame him. It's a tough market, and no one likes being sick. Doing both at the same time is a lot.
So when he came home from a job interview that hadn't gone the way he hoped, he got quiet and said something that grabbed my attention, and I haven't stopped thinking about it since.
"When I got laid off, I spent a whole month resting. And I basically wasted that time. If I had just pushed through and started applying sooner, I'd probably have a job by now."
I looked at him and thought about how much he would never say that to a friend. How if someone he loved called him after a layoff and said they needed a month to fall apart a little, he would tell them to take all the time they needed. He would mean it. He would check in. He would remind them that rest after a loss isn't weakness, it's just human.
But for himself? That same month was described as a failure.
I hear this way too often from my clients, and it needs to be addressed.
The grace my clients have for other people is enormous. For a friend going through it, for a partner having a hard season, for a child who needs more time; they show up with so much patience and love. But when it's their own hard month? The standard changes completely. They become their own harshest critic, tallying up what they didn't do instead of recognizing what they survived.
Each time I remind them of my two truths.
- What's meant for you will find you. Just because you don't have something yet doesn't mean it isn't already on its way. The timing not being what you expected doesn't mean the outcome has changed.
- And your body never lies. When it has had enough, it will tell you. And if you don't listen the first time, it will make sure you hear it. That is not your body failing you. That is your body protecting you.
So when you need to slow down, pause, or move at a different pace than you planned, that is NEVER a waste. There is a reason for it. There is a lesson in it. Even when you can't see either one yet.
Which is exactly why giving yourself grace matters so much. It's not just some cliché thing to say.
Cheering yourself on even when the conditions aren't what you pictured is vital. It's how you gain the momentum to keep trying.
Treating your own hard season with the same patience you would show anyone else you love is the only way you're going to achieve what you're seeking. And that is a hill I am willing to die on.
You're doing better than you think. And what's yours is en route.
XOXO,
Renee
