Hey friends,
Before we begin, I know Father's Day can be complicated. For some people, it's joyful. For others, it's painful, grief-filled, or simply a reminder of what they didn't receive. If that's where you are today, feel free to delete this email and move on with your day. For real! That's a great act of self-advocacy. See you next week!
For everyone else, I'd like to tell you about one of the most important things my dad ever said to me.
When I was in high school, I got a bad grade on a math test. I was upset and convinced that I was an imbecile. I did NOT get bad grades. When I showed my dad the grade, he looked at it and smiled. "This is great news! I see that you have something to learn. I was worried we might have you in the wrong class."
The older I get, the more I realize how much wisdom was packed into that response. He wasn't treating the grade as a verdict about who I was but rather he was treating it as information. The grade didn't mean I wasn't smart or capable. It simply revealed that there was something I hadn't learned yet.
So many of us were taught the opposite. We learned to see mistakes as evidence about our worth. A bad grade means you're not smart. A failed relationship means you're unlovable. A difficult season means you're doing life wrong. A challenge in the bedroom means you're broken.
But what if our struggles are not verdicts? What if they're invitations to more curiosity and learning?
I think about my dad's words often when I inevitably mess something up.
"This is great news. I see that you have something to learn."
What a generous way to look at another human being. What a generous way to look at ourselves.
To the fathers, stepfathers, grandfathers, mentors, coaches, and good men (and the women who are both mothers and fathers) who help the people around them believe they are more than their accomplishments: thank you. The world needs more of that.
