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3 ideas from me
I.
“Jealousy can morph into a suffocating web of control, accusations, and suspicion, ultimately damaging the very relationship it seeks to protect.”
― Anoir Ou-chad
After an hours-long girl talk with my homegirl, this is the conclusion I arrived at. She had been ranting about another homegirl of hers who had pursued the same (dream) career— that my homegirl hadn't pursued for herself (yet). It wasn't easy to admit that she was both inspired and furious. Inspired that her dreams were achievable. Pissed that she wasn't the one achieving them. So rather than admit, “I am jealous." It sounded like “we just aren't aligned right now.” "She thinks she's better than me.” "She made a sly, condescending remark.” Once the dust settled, I posed the question we had been tap dancing around. “Does she think she's better than you…or do you?”
“It’s fine to be jealous.” I shrugged. “Just so long as you don’t think any less of yourself.”
― Colette Rhodes, Gilded Mess
It can be difficult to hold space for conflicting emotions. It feels like we are doing a disservice to ourselves or perhaps faking the funk. How can I hold my happiness for someone else and disdain for myself at the same time? Leave it to our own cognitive dissonance, this is where we start to assign malicious intent to their every move where it perhaps isn't present at all. Through them, we are so cruel to ourselves. We are silently saying “I am not enough.”
Do me a favor. I challenge you to politely ask jealousy to step aside, and discover what it is underneath. Jealousy is a secondary emotion after all--so what is it masking? What is it hiding? What does it believe it is protecting?
Also see: do yourself a favor—and always assume good intentions.
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II.
Every Friday, I visit my dad after a long day at work. We vent. We decompress. We ponder. We introspect.
I had mentioned to him how much fear had held me back. Like most people, I am afraid of rejection. If it were a crime to boo yourself off stage before the audience has a chance to—I'd be serving a life sentence (without the possibility of parole). My dad gave me a quick lesson on perspective:
“So let me get this straight…you aren't afraid of rejection from men. But you are afraid of rejection from opportunities that can actually change your life.”
A lightbulb goes off.
To me, dating is very light-hearted and low stakes. Rejection can mean absolutely nothing from a guy I wasn't sure I liked in the first place. But rejection from a CEO from a company I really want to work with? Jarring. It isn't low stakes—it means something, if not everything. More often than not, people ask "what do you do (for a living)?" far quicker than they ask "who are you seeing?" #notacrazytake.
I thought to myself, if I had the same confidence and courage in my creative and professional life as I did in my dating life, how far would I be? Or how far could I go? I have survived many romantic rejections. It's ludicrous to think I wouldn't survive other rejections too.
Would you rather be rejected by life-changing opportunities or be rejected by all of your dating partners?
(How do you handle those different kinds of rejections? or do you handle them all the same?)
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III.
I am an avid participant of Taco Tuesdays, and my favorite spot to frequent as of late is Moe's Cantina in River North. They have an unbeatable all-you-can-eat tacos and margarita deal for $35. IN THIS ECONOMY?!
I knew I was exactly where I was supposed to be when a stranger said the perfect thing at the perfect time
“Are you guys going to head to the Riverwalk? It's right here. It's a beautiful night.” I yawned and said, “Not tonight. I'm tired, and I have work early in the morning.”
After a brief moment of silence (and a subtle look of disappointment), he says something to me that is going to stick with me for life.
“Work to live, don't live to work.”
“It's a beautiful night. Don't waste it.”
It's so easy to get caught up in our responsibilities and "routines." Life is to be lived. Not planned. Not postponed. If you're not careful, you will look up one day and see you have lost so much to a monster that devours everything: routine.
Nothing changes if nothing changes.
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2 Quotes from me
I.
"To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all."
– Oscar Wilde
II.
“The must-have breaks in bodybuilding; one, break the muscle; two, break from routine.”
― Vikrmn: CA Vikram Verma, Rep By Rep
Life is a lot like bodybuilding. If we treated life like a muscle to exercise:
To become stronger, we first have to be willing to break. Bad habits. Bad relationships. Bad attitudes. Then, we must break our routine and away from our “comfort zones." Comfort zones are where dreams go to die, and after a while, when muscles grow accustomed to a particular routine--they stop growing.
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1 Question from me
Are we what we do with time or are we what time does with us?
Same time, next week?
Thanks for reading,
Miss Wednesday
xoxo
P.s
If you love life, life will love you back.
