Hi First name / friend,

 

Our affections are powerful. Giving love to someone or something is a gift. Affection is also vulnerable, because there is a bit of mutual ownership involved. When we give away our love, we’re opening ourselves to be influenced. Our affections also guide our attention, because we attend to the things we love.

 

Erotica—the official name of the literature now called “spicy”—is difficult to quit because we love love. We love reading about other people being loved, inserting our own broken stories into a happy ending. As someone on the other side of the industry, I am angered by the way erotica has capitalized on vulnerable women. They are offered an escape; they are handed bondage. 

 

The definition of pornography according to Merriam-Webster is as follows:

 

Before digital pornography existed, pornography existed in written and pictorial form. This goes so far back in time you can find pornographic images on the walls of buildings in Pompeii. The very word “pornography” is taken from two Greek words, the literal translation of which means “writing about prostitutes.” Why would someone write about prostitutes? To cause sexual excitement.

 

Christian women who defend erotic fiction—even policing language to control the narrative, e.g., “spicy books”—undermine their own argument by touting erotica’s marital benefits. If erotic fiction is not pornography, how does it produce the kind of sexual excitement needed to benefit the bedroom? The two things cannot be true at once.

 

But some women aren’t defending the content they consume; they know it’s wrong, and they just can’t quit. I’ve been you, and I have compassion on you, and the next few words are for you. 

 

Writer Thomas Chalmers tells us: You can’t force a human heart to give up what it loves; worldly addictions can be expelled only by the power of replacement (a new affection).

 

Maybe you're reading this and you know you’re addicted. You want out. But every time a new BookTok recommendation comes up, you take it.

 

Maybe you’re reading this, and you’re livid with rage. You want me to shut up about the “spicy books.” But deep down, you know God’s heart is for your freedom. He wants to give you a sober mind. It hurts too much to admit where you are—so all you feel is anger.

 

Maybe you’re reading this with regret. You handed out these books to young women, young moms, friends in book club, not realizing the damage they cause. 

 

Erotica, porn, smut—it’s all shaping female affections. It’s pulling us away from a clear, sober, thinking mind. It’s an endless spiral of more, more, more; but never enough to satisfy the cravings of our hearts. I can tell you all the ways smut is hurting you, but as Thomas Chalmers so wisely says, even these truths cannot cast out a worldly affection:

 

To bid a [woman] into whom there has not yet entered the great . . . influence of . . . regeneration, to bid [her] withdraw [her] love from all the things that are in the world, is to bid [her] to give up all the affections that are in [her] heart. The world is the all of the natural man.

Erotica is just one example of this. It’s a timely example, given that romance makes up 20–25% of the entire fiction book market and $1.4 billion in annual revenue. In this cultural moment, we have the means to be women whose primary entertainment shapes their affections away from truth. Alternatively, we have the opportunity to be women whose minds are strong, clear, and holy. Choosing the latter only happens when our old affections are replaced with new ones:

 

Along with the light of a free gospel does there enter the love of the gospel . . . And never does the sinner find within [herself] so mighty a moral transformation as when, under the belief that [she] is saved by grace, [she] feels constrained thereby to offer [her] heart a devoted thing and to deny ungodliness.

My own addiction was broken not by discovering that erotica was sinful (though acknowledging its sin was an important first step) but by recognizing that I could not overcome my desire for it. My brain and heart were trained to consume it. The love for “the things in the world” controlled my free time, my thought life, my dating life, my sexual frustrations, and my walk with God. I could stop reading porn, but the old affection could only be expelled by a new one.

 

That new affection is the love of Jesus Christ.

 

 

What if the men in these books—the men we long to know and be known by, the men we long to love us—are just a twisted shadow of everything Jesus offers in Himself? He is always stable. He is always present. He is always strong. He is always fighting for us. He is always listening. And He was willing to die for those He loved. What a tactic of the enemy to fix our eyes on the shadow when the Sun is shining just over the hill.

 

I have fifteen years’ experience with the backlash I get on this topic. But I also have fifteen years’ experience seeing women find freedom, joy, and a sober mind in relationship with Christ. For the former: I’m here when you’re ready. For the latter: I’m here for your journey. There is not one minute I regret leaving smut behind. Holiness born from love is never a burden. May you come to realize all God has in store for you.

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One of my favorite things about gathering for the Every Woman a Theologian Conference is introducing you to teachers who love God's Word and help women engage with it deeply. I am excited to welcome Wendy Blight as one of our speakers this November.

Wendy finds some of her greatest joy in watching women encounter the power of God's living and active Word and experience the work of the Holy Spirit in their daily lives. After more than twenty years of leading and teaching Bible studies, she continues to faithfully equip women to know Scripture, trust God, and walk confidently in their faith.

 

Today, Wendy serves as the Biblical Content Specialist for Proverbs 31 Ministries. She's also an attorney, author, and co-author of numerous books and Bible studies, including her newest study, Rest for Your Soul: A Bible Study on Solitude, Silence, and Prayer.

 

As we gather around this year's theme, Foundations of Faith, Wendy's Biblical wisdom and practical encouragement will challenge and strengthen us. I can't wait for you to learn from her alongside hundreds of women seeking to know what they believe, live it boldly, and communicate it graciously.

 

Join us this November—we're building on the firm foundation of God's truth together.

FOR THE AWAKENING,