I wasn't planning on starting a spiritual journey on August 9th. There wasn't some big moment. Nothing happened that made me suddenly think, Okay, today's the day I need to get my life together and read the entire Bible. 😂

 

Actually, in a lot of ways, it's been the opposite.

And I think that's part of what brought me here. Not necessarily because something in my life is wrong. Maybe because I realized I don't want to only talk to God. I want to know Him.

 

Here's the funny part. I've done this before. 

For probably the last four years, January rolls around and at some point I decide: This is the year.  I'm going to read my Bible every day. I'm going to read the entire thing. Genesis? I'm coming for ya (I've heard this is the hardest book). Revelation? See you in December. 😂

 

And then...I don't finish. So maybe there's something fitting about starting this time on a completely ordinary day in August. No New Year's resolution. No perfect January 1st starting line. Just August 9th. Who knows!

 

I started a 365-day Bible reading challenge, and I'm six days in as I'm writing this and something has already surprised me… I feel peaceful when I just open it. That's probably the easiest way I know how to explain it. Every time I've sat down to read this week, I've felt... at ease. And for someone whose brain seems to believe every unanswered question requires an emergency board meeting, that's saying something. 😂

 

I also didn't expect checking off each day's reading to feel the way it has. I've also been surprised by how human the people I'm reading about are.

Apparently anxious hearts aren't exactly a modern invention. And there's something strangely comforting about that.

 

Of everything I've read and written down this week, one verse keeps coming back to me:

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” — Proverbs 3:5 Well. That'll do it. 😂 Because if there is something I'm really good at, it's trying to understand. I analyze. I question. I replay. I wonder what something means, what I should do about it, what I could've done differently, what happens next... and somewhere along the way, I can convince myself that if I just think about something long enough, I'll eventually figure it out.

Maybe that's where some of my anxious heart comes from. Because I'm trying to carry questions that were never mine to answer??

 

I'm beginning to wonder if trusting God doesn't always mean He gives me the answer.

Sometimes trusting Him might mean being okay when He doesn't.

 

I'm not going to promise you that I'm going to finish this challenge perfectly. I've made that promise to myself before. This time, I just want to keep showing up. And I don't have some grand expectation for who I'm supposed to be when I reach Day 365. I actually don't think I want one. I don't want to tell God beforehand what I think He needs to change. Maybe that's another form of trying to control the outcome. Instead, I want to go into this with open hands.

And I'll keep turning the pages.

 

 

 

Maybe you're carrying an unanswered question right now, too. Something you've analyzed 47 different ways and still can't make sense of. So this is the question I'm sitting with this week… What would happen if I stopped demanding an explanation and started choosing trust instead? Hmm. 

 

I don't have my answer yet. Maybe you don't either. That's okay, at least that's how I feel and what I am telling myself.

 

That's week one, or technically... day six. 😉

I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to write to you about next Wednesday. And weirdly, I think I like it that way. I'm going to keep reading. Keep praying. Keep writing things in the margins. Keep asking questions. And next week, I'll come back and tell you what happened.

 

Until then—

 

🤍 Kayla