Well… I made it through another week. 😂

I have to admit, reading every single day has already been a little harder than I thought it would be. Not because I don't want to do it. I do. But because life is busy. My brain usually has about 47 tabs open at once, there's always something that needs to be done, and apparently adding one more thing to a checklist doesn't magically create more hours in the day. Who knew???

 

But I've kept going. And somewhere in the middle of Genesis, Psalms, Luke, and my everyday life… I think something in me has started to get a little quieter. Which, if you know me, is saying something. Ha!

 

There was one verse this week that stopped me in my tracks:

Two very small words that I am apparently not very good at.

 

If something feels uncertain, my first instinct is usually to figure it out. What does this mean? What's going to happen? What should I do next? How do I fix it? You know what I'm saying?

 

Lately, there are a few things in my life where I just don't have the answers yet. I'm waiting for clarity. Waiting to understand. Waiting to know what comes next. And if I'm being completely transparent with you… I don't particularly enjoy waiting. 😂 I mean, do you?

 

But maybe that's exactly why this verse found me this week. Maybe God isn't asking me to figure everything out right now. Maybe He's asking me to be still long enough to trust that He already knows what I don't.

 

I'm starting to wonder if part of trusting God is learning to sit in the space between the prayer and the answer. To stop assuming that because I don't know what's happening, nothing is happening. And to remember that His timing doesn't have to make sense to me for it to still be good.

And here's the part I didn't expect… I think I'm actually becoming a little calmer.

I almost hate admitting that because I've spent so much of my life thinking, Well, this is just who I am. I'm anxious. My mind runs a million miles an hour. That's just Kayla for ya. BUT this week I've caught myself talking to God more throughout the day. Not only at night. Not only when I'm reading. Just… talking. At very random times throughout the day.

 

I've been asking more specific questions, more specific in prayer. Instead of feeling like I have to immediately know the answer, I'm starting to wonder if maybe part of this journey is learning how to sit in the unknown for a little while.

 

 

I've been reading through Genesis this week, and something about Abram and Sarai really caught my attention. God had given them this enormous promise but as time passed, they still couldn't see how it was all going to happen.

 

Time passed. They got older. The promise probably started looking a whole lot less possible. Eventually, they tried to help the situation along themselves. I read that and thought...Oh.

 

Because let's be real..  how often do I do my own version of that? “God, I trust You... but just in case, I've made a plan.” 😂 That one just felt a little too familiar.

 

I don't think patience comes naturally to me. When I'm unsure, I want to make a plan. When I'm waiting, I want a timeline. When I don't know what's next,I want to start figuring it out. Maybe part of what God is teaching me is that I don't have to force what's next. I don't have to have every answer before I can have peace. Maybe sometimes trusting Him looks like praying about it, leaving it there... and resisting the urge to pick it right back up five minutes later.

 

I wish I could tell you I've jumped out of bed every morning excited to grab my Bible and check another day off my list.

 

Nope. 😂 Some days I've had to make myself do it.

Life is full right now. Work, home, mom life, all the little things that somehow turn into 100 things—and there have absolutely been moments when I've looked at that day's reading and thought, I'll do it later. Well, we all know how “later” works. Ha!

 

BUT I've been pushing through that little hesitation and opening it anyway and I'm actually really proud of myself for that. Not because I've checked another box, but because I'm starting to realize that showing up when I don't feel like it might be part of the lesson, too.  Whew! Who would have thought this week would be so deep???

 

 

Day 7 → Day 10. Still going strong.

Four more days checked off. And apparently four more days of God reminding me that I don't have to have everything figured out. I am truly starting to feel that.

 

 

 

No homework. No preaching. No perfect answer. Just something to sit with- on the porch.

 

Until next week—