I was 18 when I left Long Island to attend Stanford University in California. I thought I was very grown up. And technically, I was. I had turned 18 the previous December, which meant I was a legal adult.

Death Readiness Dispatch

August 19, 2026

Hi there,

 

I was 18 when I left Long Island to attend Stanford University in California. I thought I was very grown up. And technically, I was. I had turned 18 the previous December, which meant I was a legal adult.

 

I was also a planner. I had packed for college about two months before I actually had to leave. But there was one thing my parents and I hadn't planned for: What would happen if something happened to me?

The day before 18 and the day after 18

Your child may still live in your house and be on your health insurance. You may pay their tuition, their phone bill, and just about every other expense they have. And they may still call you first whenever something goes wrong.

 

But once they turn 18, they're a legal adult. That means “I'm her mom” or “I'm her dad” doesn't give you the same access to medical information or authority to make healthcare decisions that you had when your child was a minor.

 

So if you have a child approaching 18, there are three words I want you to remember: Information. Authority. Wishes. Each represents a different question:

 

INFORMATION: HIPAA Authorization
❓Who can talk to your child's healthcare providers?

📋A HIPAA authorization allows your adult child to decide who can receive their protected healthcare information.

 

AUTHORITY: Healthcare Power of Attorney
❓If your child couldn't make a healthcare decision for themselves, who would they want speaking for them?

📋A healthcare power of attorney lets your child choose that person.

 

WISHES: Advance Directive
❓If that person someday had to make an extraordinarily difficult medical decision, would they know what your child wanted?

📋An advance directive gives your child a way to put those wishes into writing.

When “I’m Their Parent” Is No Longer Enough

This week, I explain:

✅ Why parents can lose important healthcare rights when a child turns 18,
✅ The difference between a HIPAA authorization and healthcare power of attorney,
✅ Why having the authority to make a decision doesn't mean you'll know what decision to make,
✅ How an advance directive can help,
✅ What can happen when someone hasn't chosen a healthcare agent,
✅ What to consider when your child attends college in another state,
✅ And how to start this conversation without making your 18-year-old think you're planning for their imminent death.

Healthcare documents vary by state. If your child is turning 18, especially if they're heading to college in another state, make sure you're using the appropriate documents for where they live and may receive medical care. You can find free state-specific healthcare forms here.

 

You’re helping your adult child think about who they trust to make healthcare decisions for them. Here’s one more practical step: make sure that person has the information they might need to do the job. I created a Medical Information Sheet to keep important details—medications, doctors, insurance information, emergency contacts and more—in one place. Ask your child to fill it out, keep it updated, and make sure it’s accessible on their phone, while also giving a copy to the person they’ve named to make healthcare decisions for them.

 

We tend to think of estate planning as something you do when you're older, when you buy a house, get married, have children, or accumulate more money. But your child's first estate planning decision probably has nothing to do with money. They have something much more important to plan for: Themselves.

 

Documents are important, but so is making critical information easy to find when someone actually needs it. Click here for a step-by-step guide to setting up Medical ID on your iPhone. 

Thanks for being here.

PS: At 18, I probably had a very different picture of what being a lawyer would look like. This week, it looked like a blazer and collared shirt for probate court, with running shorts just outside the camera frame. I remain deeply grateful for Zoom court appearances. Professional on top. Ready for a run on the bottom. And yes, I won the hearing. The opposing party didn’t show up, but I’m still counting it.