That “I don't know what's next” feeling…

Hi friend,

There was a point mid divorce when I genuinely had no idea what my life was going to look like.

I had three boys. A house. Finances to figure out. A career that had already taken different breaks and turns around motherhood and family life.

And suddenly the future I thought I was building towards wasn't the future anymore.

Yes a clean slate you might say but when you are in it…it's terrifying. I wanted to know what came next. Actually I needed to know what came next so I could even sleep.

Where do I want to live? What would I do for work? Would I be financially okay? What would our family look like? Would I be okay?

I wanted answers. Preferably immediately. If you know me…yes another Type A overachiever planner over here.

And of course, I didn't have them.

What I did have was a life that still needed living. Three boys who still needed raising. Decisions that still needed making.

So I started making them.

Some were small. Some were bloody hard. Some worked. Some didn't.

And slowly, a life started taking shape that I couldn't have mapped out at the beginning.

Including this work. I didn't emerge from divorce with a master plan to become a coach and build Lucy Regan Coaching.

That came later pulled to provide the support I wish I had. I started a Business Development Consultancy for a hot minute. I worked as a fashion stylist for a while. I explored and experimented. I also run my side Airbnb biz for more $ security.

I put myself out there no matter how uncertain I was.

Through living. Trying things. Following what interested me. Paying attention to what mattered. Getting things wrong. Changing my mind.

And I think that's why I have such an affinity for women who come to me saying:

“I just don't know what's next.”

Because I know how uncomfortable that place can be.

Especially when you're someone who's spent most of her life being pretty bloody good at figuring things out.

But I've learned something about uncertainty since then.

Maybe we're asking it to disappear when we should be learning how to move within it.

This months insight

We love certainty.

Tell me this is the right decision.

Tell me I won't regret leaving.

Tell me I'll make enough money.

Tell me this idea will work.

Tell me my kids will be okay.

Tell me I'm not making a huge mistake.

If we could just know, then we'd move.

Except...when do we ever really know?

I see this all the time in my coaching.

A woman knows something isn't working anymore, but every possible next move comes with a question mark.

Stay in the job? Leave? Go back to work? Start the business? Take the less impressive job that gives her more freedom? Retrain? Consult? Leave the relationship?

Do something completely different?

And because none of the options comes with a guarantee, she keeps searching for the one that does.

More thinking. More research. Another pros-and-cons list. Another 6 months.

Uncertainty starts masquerading as a reason to wait.

I think there's another way to look at it.

What if the goal isn't to become certain?

What if it's to become someone who trusts herself enough to make the next decision without knowing exactly how everything will turn out?

That's a very different muscle.

And honestly, I think it's one of the most important ones we can build in this chapter of our lives.

3 WAYS TO NAVIGATE UNCERTAINTY

1. GET CURIOUS ABOUT THE “I DON’T KNOW”

Don’t rush to solve it. Get underneath it.

Sometimes you genuinely don’t know yet. Other times, you have an inkling but fear, money, other people’s expectations or the possibility of getting it wrong are making so much noise you can’t hear it.

Ask yourself: What am I actually uncertain about?

Then sit with it for a minute. Is it really the what...or are you scared of what might happen if you go after it?

You might know more than you think you do.

2. BORROW FROM THE WOMAN YOU’RE BECOMING

When your head is spinning, step outside and walk.

Picture yourself a few years from now, grounded, fulfilled and proud of how you navigated this chapter.

Now look at today through her eyes.

What does she know that you’re forgetting?

Notice what suddenly feels less important, what you’re giving too much power to and where she’s nudging you next.

Sometimes you need a little distance from today to hear yourself again.

3. PUT A DEADLINE ON “FIGURING IT OUT”

There’s a difference between exploring and indefinitely saying, “I’m figuring things out.”

- Give yourself 30 days.

- Choose 3–5 things that will give you real information: have the conversation, understand your finances, speak to someone doing the work, take the class, explore the opportunity.

Then put a review date in your calendar.

Look at what you learned, what you can rule out and what has more energy now.

You may not have the whole answer. But you’ll know more than you do today. And that’s progress.