September is a time for settling in and adjusting to the new school year. Our children are adjusting to new teachers, classmates, expectations, and extracurriculars. Many, like my ninth grader, are adjusting to entirely new schools. Parents are juggling changes in schedules and the logistics of getting everyone where they need to be â on time! At Houston Anxiety and Wellness Center, we are headed into Quarter 4, assessing and adjusting in order to finish the year by reaching all of the shiny goals we made back in January.
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The one thing we can count on in life is that things will change and we will have to figure out how to adjust - to new jobs and relationships, changing family dynamics like growing children or aging parents.Â
There is almost always something asking us to⌠pivot.
Last month, I shared that my family is weeks away from welcoming a new baby girl. There is indeed a HUGE pivot coming my way after being completely engrossed in growing a practice over the last few years. We are incredibly excited⌠and still anxious about the changing dynamics of our family, routine, sleep, and tons of things we probably haven't even considered yet.
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I know from my work that the goal isnât ever really to feel less anxious⌠The goal has always been to accept what is not in our control and to keep pivoting, living in line with our values (not the fears or what ifâs) in order to live our most meaningful lives.
As Humans We Love Knowing What Comes Next
We like knowing whatâs going to happen, where we are going, and whether or not we are making the ârightâ decision. When things inevitably change, certainty tends to go with it. This makes even the good changes feel anxiety provoking.
A preschoolerwho finally adjusted to a new school routine has to figure it all out again after summer break.
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A teenager who was at the top of the pack in 8th grade walks into a new high school and start all the way over.
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Adults starting new jobs go from feeling confident and prepared to asking twenty questions a day about simple logistics.
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A family that has finally figured out its rhythm with a teenager and a toddler adds a newborn in the mix and has to figure it out all over againâŚ
Even really good changes require adjustment and our instinct in this transition is to make anxiety go away. We google, we plan and research, we seek reassurance that everything is going to be okay before we feel comfortable moving forward. This can totally be useful preparation - or it can be a useless effort to not feel uncertain.
What If Anxiety Isnât the Problem?
One of the things we teach in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and exposure-based treatment is that the goal isnât to eliminate anxiety before doing something difficult. Itâs learning that we can experience anxiety and still do the hard, uncertain thing. Coping well with a big life change doesnât mean feeling completely calm about it.
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Sometimes progress includes feeling: Nervous and capable. Uncertain and prepared. Scared and brave.Two seemingly contradictory things are very often true at the same time.
Maybe Weâre Measuring Progress Wrong
We tend to judge how well weâre coping by asking:
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âDo I feel better yet?â
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But with anxiety, that isnât always the most useful measure. Instead, it makes more sense to ask:
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âWhat am I able to do even though I feel anxious?â
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Your child was nervous about school, but walked through the door. Your teenager worried about the tryout all week, but showed up. You didnât feel completely certain about a decision, but made the best one you could with the information you had. You let your child struggle with something instead of immediately stepping in. Just because anxiety is present, does not mean the situation didnât go well.
One Thing to Try This Week
Notice the next time you or your child starts waiting to feel differently before moving forward:
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âI just need to know...â
âBut what if...?â
âI canât. Iâm too anxious.â
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Instead of trying to make the anxiety smaller, try making room for it.
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âWe may not be able to know for sure.â
âYou can be nervous and still try.â
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And for yourself: âI can feel anxious and still ______.â Â Then fill in the blank.
Iâll be stepping away for maternity leave soon. Meanwhile, our HAWC team will continue seeing children, teens, adults, and families, and our Client Care team will be here to help with scheduling, questions, and finding the right therapist.
New Office Update
You may remember our plan to move down the hall to a new suite. We are still waiting on city permits which have delayed the move. Be on the lookout for emails, notices, and signs when we do make the move later this month or next.
Now accepting New Clients
We currently have openings for children, teens, adults, and parents:
We recently gathered for dinner to welcome our newest team members and celebrate those heading into their next chapters. Weâre incredibly grateful for the smart, kind, and genuinely fun people who make HAWC what it is.
Coffee, Connection & Community
Earlier this month, we co-hosted Common Grounds Coffee & Connections with Coping Resource Center, Staying Ahead of the Game, and Thriving Child Center. More than 100 Houston-area professionals came together to connect, share resources, and strengthen the referral relationships that help us provide better, more collaborative care for our community.
Coming Up: OCD Texas Symposium
Weâre proud to sponsor the Annual OCD Texas Symposium & Mental Health Fair on October 10! This is a wonderful opportunity for individuals, families, & clinicians to learn more about OCD and evidence-based treatment, while connecting with the Texas OCD community. We hope to see you there!
There will always be another transition, another first or goodbye, and another decision we canât make with complete certainty. Right around the corner is another season that asks us to adjust before we feel ready. Coping well is trusting that we are capable despite anxiety.
